nichole's auxiliary storage

Oct. 31: Mel & Smarty Pants

Mel & Floyd, WORT's Friday afternoon show, summarized for your edification below. I apologise for the busted links that will undoubtedly surface -- I'm doin' this in real time. Read on... Halloween is Mel's favorite holiday -- it has the best holiday activities. Last year, Smarty Pants took a bunch of students to the graveyard for a "polygamous date with death." And Halloween just isn't folksy. It's about death, people. Smarty Pants doesn't like the orange Christmas lights or the "decorative gourd" versions of jack-o-lanterns people are using nowadays. Halloween should be about zombies. Brains! Brains! Go check out the house at the corner of Madison and Garfield. There's a guy with the most ghoulish yard decorations you could hope to see. There's a mortician, a ghoulish bride and groom, and a full-sized guy hanging from a tree. Witches all over the place. A big guy slumped over a picnic table with an axe in his back. But the best thing about Halloween is it's the firewall against Christmas. As soon as Halloween is over, it's nothing but Christmas for three solid months. Halloween is now the second biggest commercial holiday. Smarty Pants' favorite State St. costume (next to the full-size screaming male anatomy) was a dude who was a bicycle. Mel was Senator Kasten once. Plus, the Simpsons always have a great Halloween special. US overpaying Halliburton for gas. Speaking of making a lot of money, a memo from John Craniac (station manager): My sources tell me you talked about me swimming in money in the vault 90 feet below WORT. From now on he wants to be called Scrooge McCraniac. Do you think when Jesus ascended his palms whistled? The Vatican is outraged at the court ruling to remove crucifixes from classrooms. Meanwhile, the 20-foot crucifix used at World Youth Day ("the Catholic Woodstock") was found in a garbage dump. Fox might sue the Simpsons. Charles "perfect guy" Benson on Channel 27 is just too perfect. But he does have a bald spot. Last week's poll, "Civilization: Crumbling or Crumbled?" resulted in all-crumbed votes. Smarty Pants has a counterproposal to the councealed weapon bill: the "Concealed Sandwich Bill." Minneapolis is named "Fun City." Nevada has the highest suicide rate -- surprised? Disney postpones the Alamo release. They're going to change the ending. Billy Bob Thornton will star as Davy Crockett. Every time a politicians use the word "government," substitute "the voters" to understand what they're getting at. The IRS is cracking down on cheaters, even in lower income brackets. Smarty Pants argues that if they would concentrate on bigger, richer cheats, they'd have to do less work and have more to show for it. Wisconsin has such an anticorporate environment, you know... Mel had some positive parenting experiences this week. He introduced Melvina to Rocky and Bullwinkle. Then they shared a packet of pop-rocks. They're highly recommended. Microsoft settled another 6 class-action lawsuits this week. A Canadian won the "Rock-Paper-Scissors" competition this year. Mel did some research at the Rock-Paper-Scissors website for our edification. For a cheap Halloween costume, lie in the front yard with your arms crossed and pretend to be dead. Or, if you're Smarty Pants, get your albino friend Mark Koopman, bury each other in the leaves in a cemetery, and leap out at some old ladies. Bus driver wants cash to continue trip. Jesse L. Jackson Jr. endorses Howard Dean. Colorado blood drive offers free beer. "It's a retox center." Don't forget that Poe stopped off a train in Baltimore and got roughed up by some election thugs. Vandal allegedly pours oil into pool. Charitable giving has slipped this year. Must be all those thousand little points of light going out.

Well, that's a relief.

"nichole's auxiliary storage. The 'h' is for 'holy.'" And, according to the Gender Genie, my last seven posts get a female score of 850 and a male score of 1583. Nothing like beating the odds.

"Why libraries?"

So it's Saturday morning at the market info booth. I've got my database design textbook open to the intro chapter on SQL, but the book is decidedly losing to daydreams and peoplewatching. This guy strolls by and asks how the SQL is coming. I tell him it's interesting, and I'm working on a library degree. He asks, "Why libraries? If you're learning database design, you could really pull down the big bucks somewhere else." I reply with a lame comment about how I have an aunt who does just that, and he nods empahtically, wishes me luck, and walks on.

I completely missed an opportunity to evangelize for my chosen profession and express my commitment to the ideals of library service, etc., etc. Bad, bad library student, I lose points.

Oct. 24: Mel & Smarty Pants

No monkey *or* rat news this week, but lots on the decline of civilization. Read on ... [Remember, this is just my best attempt at getting down what Mel and Floyd of WORT fame talk about -- I try not to editorialize.~n] Does the FCC need reform? Not reform in the currently fashionable sense of the word. Aspen Daily News declares themselves 100% Kobe Bryant free. Their motto: "If you don't want it printed, don't let it happen." The divorced guys in the WI legislature look kind of funny up there defining marriage for the rest of us. "Those darn conservatives!" Re: concealed weapons laws for Wisconsin: It's the Republican race to the bottom, and the first one to crawl back into the ocean wins. If they can get it before Coggs takes over from ousted George, Doyle's veto will be suspended -- hence the rush to get it passed. We're headed for 13th century feudalism. Especially heinous is the hypocrisy of the police memorial in front of the capitol. Why do Republicans want things people don't ask for and that don't work? Money? And a "reflexive, bizarre, paranoid" approach to reality? Perhaps they're pandering to a straw figure of fear. Call now, 256-2001, and choose, "Is civilization crumbling or crumbled?" You tell us. Bush raises funds in Hawaii. And we were mad when Gore made a phone call from the White House? They read a letter from a mindless minion who's concerned about his/her job. The letter includes an official card for a charter membership in the Bush/Cheney campaign. Scientists find a dinosaur brain tumor. That's odd, I didn't know they had cell phones back then. The Bow-Lingual Dog Translator turns woofs into words. Dogs only say one thing: "Hey!" Among US college students, 61% still approve of the president's handling of his job. ABC pulls plug from reality TV awards show Caller comments: most agree that civilization has indeed crumbled, and they are glad. They're past denial and into the resentment stage. But the mindless minions will build it back up in our own image! Mel's new neighbors in Oregon are in a gated community. What's a cheaper way to feel safer? Stop watching the local TV news! It's a fact. Is Udink offensive? Maybe for a personalized license plate. Sewage problems in Milwaukee are a result of too many condoms sneaking through the system. This was first noticed by a fisherman in Lake Michigan who noticed a flotilla of them floating by. One guy's full-time job is to manually remove spent condoms from the system. "Obviously, Milwaukee, a very Catholic community, isn't paying much attention to the College of Cardinals." Bush disagrees with Boykin -- what a relief. GM drops risque name for Buick LaCrosse in Canada. The new connotation of the work was discovered by Buick when youth in focus groups giggled when the car's name was announced. "Come to LaCrosse and come alone." If Clinton were an addict, here's how Rush Limbaugh might spin it. More listener comments on civilization: "What civilization?" Like Ghandi's "It would be a good idea" response. The Army's new 15-day leave plan results in a few desertions, and we shouldn't be surprised. Out of Sydney, Australia (our Deputy Sheriff in the War on Terror): Swedish tourist improsoned for trying to smuggle baby snakes. He was trying to make money to pay for his vacation. Does Washington's recipe for whiskey mash work? And we conclude with some patter about Dr. Dave's hairdo.

anatomy and the melancholy thereof

Just finished "Melancholy of Anatomy," a book of short stories by Shelley Jackson. I know I said I don't read fiction because I fear ridicule by those more well-read, but these hit the spot. Her surreal/magical realist stories are delicious -- maybe not as much as Harry Mathews or Russell Edson's (God, confessing this is making me nervous!) but good. A couple weeks ago I watched Anatomie with Franka Potente. Another Germanophile lent it to me, and I'd recommend it to those who like their horror flicks with some plot. And who can stand some lovely but grisly and very anatomically correct images.

Search Inside The Book

Looks like Amazon has launched its Search Inside the Book feature, where registered users can (nay, must?) search the full text of certain books in the course of a standard book search. Results return with brief passages highlighted. It used to be called "Look inside the book II," and there was plenty of buzz about it earlier this year, from inside and outside Library Land:
NYT via IHT
The Semi-Daily Journal of Economist Brad DeLong
Danielle Cunniff Plumer's blog at UT-Austin School of Information
Traffick
TeleRead
But not much lengthy commentary, it looks like. Is this important at libraries at all, even if it just forms public opinion and desires? Does it even do that? Hm. Maybe we don't need to care...

Yeowch.

I haven't had time to cook or even market seriously lately, but this week I've gotten it together to make two feeding-trough recipes. One (for Jack Sprat) was Cincinnati chili, which is a subject of great debate, I know -- this is the closest to my version I could find. I'm still finding my chili muse. I have an aunt who's a crack chili chef, and last I heard frequently enters chili cook-offs in the Northwest. Check it out, those respiratory care specialists are a wacky bunch. (Sputum Bowl, anyone?) The other recipe (for Jack Sprat's wife) was lentil and squash curry. I used red instead of green lentils and serve it straight, no rice. Both dishes bring tears to the eyes and make noses go running. 'S good tho'.

Weeding

On my last visit it was harder to get into the library room itself than into the pods where the inmates live. For some reason, the deputies sometimes leave the doors unlocked... not that an inmate who got out of the pod would have anywhere to go. Hm. I spent some extra time weeding the collection of raggedy and ancient books as well. As you might imagine, a library made up of donations has some quirks -- like an overabundance of Reader's Digest Condensed Books and Dana Fuller Ross's Wagons West historical fiction series (you know, Utah! Texas! Wisconsin!). That's not as bad as the libraries in the World Library Partnership which, I've heard from friends who went abroad, frequently get things like HMO directories from Massachusetts and 20-year-old medical textbooks. And somehow, the attitude persists among donors that this is a good deed they're doing.

Oct. 17: Mel & Smarty Pants/more pledge drive

More pledge drive this week = less hilarity. Plus my enthusiasm for typing their every silly utterance is waning, as it must. But they did offer a challenge to their listeners which, alas, was not met: if they had gotten 60 pledges, John Craniac would have run down State St. wearing only the SPAM costume. Read on... Mr. SP did relay the story of the dream he had featuring a dog trained to hail Hilter, before he consciously heard the real story. Naturally, the monkey robot story was big news... ...as were Boykin's recent comments. The Piccolo Guy (Tom Ryan) sent Mel and SP a note. A recent photo in the Isthmus showed a guy in a Piccolo Guy t-shirt that Tom knew nothing about. Hey, where are the royalties? Does KBR mean "keep Bush restrained"? Not if it's here. What? A Catholic bishop disapproves of condoms? Enough to lie? This from Science News: Taft had sleep apnea, which accounts for his bad presidency. They called China "cute" for sending a man to space: "What's next? Quad?" And, to answer why everyone supports tax cuts for the rich, they read a story calling such behavior "unenlightened self-interest." Finally, disbarred Dr. Dave comes in with his Dirty Nurse, who can support a can of Pabst on her chest.

Signs

Until I moved to Madison a few years ago, I'd never seen so many lit "OPEN" signs hanging in the windows of obviously closed places. It's like nails on a blackboard to me. Lazy Jane's on Williamson St. has a clever one, which is usually accurate: they use giant Scrabble tiles arranged in the window to say "OPEN" or "NOPE." In a strip mall on University Avenue there's a shop called Felly's Flowers. The "ers" is burned out at the moment. Then there's "colate Coy" on State Street, as always. My all-time, number-one misread sign was a billboard for a hardware store in Milwaukee. Pitching paint, but obscured by a telephone pole, from certain angles it read "25 years of quality pain."

Picasso at the Lapin Agile

I love this play by Steve Martin (yes, *the* Steve Martin). It takes place in 1904 at a bar in Paris that Einstein and Picasso are said to frequent. It makes for a good read even if you can't get to see it on stage. I've seen it performed three times -- first in the Twin Cities in 1999, then Milwaukee in 2000, and just last weekend at UW-Stevens Point. I think UWSP did a very good job of it. The tech stuff was great (even though my relative in the department didn't have a hand in this one). Overall the acting was good as well. Some jokes fell flat because the actors lacked a certain world-weariness. I don't fault them that, since they're probably all of twenty years old. So go out and read the play, already. It's funny.

Oct. 10: Mel & Smarty Pants Pledge Drive

Wouldn't you know it, I go out of town for a week and return to a pledge drive on WORT. Och gewalt. But it's been said that "Mel and Floyd are the only people on the planet that can make a pledge drive bearable." I did pledge, though, because they finally let "It's a Man's, Man's, Man's, Man's, Man's World" play. I told them I'd come back to the fold if they'd stop censoring it, so I did. Little Asian beetles are all over our hosts. Mel and SP give us a rundown of the premia for this week's pledge drive. $125 will get you tickets to Ani DiFranco. $75 for handpainted chairs. And, of course, lots of monkey-related stuff. SP proposes that monkeys are passe and the rat is in. Origami monkey minions; onanistic monkeys on a chain; or call 256-2001 to talk to you rpersonal premium consultant. Thanks to Electric Earth and Duniya Cafe. The glory of superheroes, including a huge SPAM MAN! You can also get this little suit, which has only been worn naked a couple times. Millions of copies of "Weapons of Mass Deception" that all begin on p. 25. You can call for a signed copy or get an intact version with your pledge. $50 for a spotty toilet plunger with a mink stole. $60 for origami monkeys. Superheroes: Angle Grinder Man in Britain is dedicated to removing the Denver Boot from misparked cars. What a hero. He's not been caught yet. Nox Bar offers babysitting in their Mannergarten. About 1/3 of Americans under 30 get all their news from Jay Leno and his ilk. Scary. (I get mine from 20 minutes of NPR every morning and Mel and Floyd. What's scarier?) (OOh, they read my pledge, even the part about how much I approve of playing the whole James Brown CD!) More pledge rapping; more news of the onoistic monkey and "Sister Discipline." US State Department protests televangelist Pat Robertson's recent comments against them. Bidding on the rights to Woody Allen's memoirs: some publishers are more eager than others to get them. More thanks for the pledgers. The Total Information Awareness Radio Network works again when Mel commands "You there -- standing on State and Johnson -- we know you have one of those wireless phones on you. Yes, you, in the shorts. With the sandals. Call now!" Gary Coleman and Larry Flynt of about 0.16% of the California recall vote. They finished just above a Mr. Schwartzman, "margin of error man." Porcine stress syndrome: the skinnier the pigs get through breeding, the more stressed-out they are, thus releasing freakish hormones into pork. And that's it.

Back from a side trip...

I doubt my lack of posts was noticed, but I had a good excuse -- I've been immersed in library gatherings of a most exciting kind! On Oct. 2 I heard Dr. Barbara Tillett speak at WILS Peer Council on FRBR, the Virtual International Authority File, and IME ICC (the International Meeting of Experts on an International Cataloging Code). That afternoon I flew to Norfolk, VA for the three-day LITA Forum, where some predominant themes were "roll-your-own" library tech products and inter-agency collaboration. Very exciting. As a mere student assistant I was awed by the great things people are doing in the library field. I've been out of it this week and slow to get back into the groove of daily library life, but grateful for the chance to jet around and hear about these developments...for now I'd best just get back to work.