nichole's auxiliary storage

Apr. 30: Mel & Mr. Smarty Pants

Read on for notes on another installment of Madison's second-favorite talk radio show, Mel and Floyd.

Oh yeah, and I'll have to miss the show next week, it being the day-after-the-last-day-of-grad-school and all.

---

Last week's non-traditional James Brown CD had the Mindless Minions wandering around in a daze, putting rocks in their pockets and walking into the lake.
SP: That's how Virginia Woolf died, you know. She wanted to play her James Brown CD and Leonard had hid it somewhere. Next thing you know she's walking in the river. They don't tell you that in the Hours.

SP read a story about Iraq that got him all worried. Give back our howitzers, U.S. army tells ski resorts.

RENO, NEV.—The U.S. military is demanding the return of five howitzers that two Sierra Nevada ski resorts use to prevent avalanches, saying it needs the big guns for the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Re: last week's story about selling land on the moon: someone called WORT and said Dennis Hope was his roommate 25 years ago, when he ran a Pizza Hut in the Quad Cities.
Mel: Well, pizza is kind of like the moon...
The message-taker wrote "for what it's worth" in parentheses after the text of the message - not that M&SP don't believe their listeners...

From Capt. Daniel, a package for "My Esteemed Dandies" (SP: I kind of thought of us as toffs rather than dandies) containing a sample of "easily applicable visual expression" - the famous picture of Bush and a chimp.
Mel: I think there's a web site called Smirking Chimp.

Flying saucer theories abound in Iran.

TEHRAN (Reuters) - Is Iran about to be invaded by little green men or are the Americans racing through the night sky in spaceships to spy on the Islamic Republic?

Some rich crazy person (probably from Coors) has donated land for Reagan University.

Officials plan to allow only students who have an SAT score of 1,400 or above. A perfect SAT score is 1,600.
"We're going for the creme de la creme," Walker said.

[but Nancy nixed it.]
What's this weird faction that wants to name everything after Reagan?

Colorado group calls on Peter Coors to apologize for spokeswoman's Kerry comment.

DENVER (AP) -- Minority groups called on Republican Senate candidate Peter Coors to apologize Wednesday after a spokeswoman said it would be worse to be compared to Sen. John Kerry than to a convicted killer.

'Nightline' special puts face on dead

In a special 40-minute edition of "Nightline" beginning at 11:35 p.m. on WRTV , Koppel will devote the entire show to reading the names of the more than 700 American military people killed in Iraq. As Koppel reads, photos of the dead will appear onscreen, along with captions listing their ages and hometowns.

So what does Christianity mean anymore? It's like "our team" - a professional sports team that moves towns, changes owners, gets a different lineup - but still calls itself by the old name.

Lautenberg Brands Cheney 'Lead Chickenhawk'.

"We know who the chickenhawks are," the New Jersey senator said on the Senate floor. "They talk tough on national defense and military issues and cast aspersions on others, but when it was their turn to serve, they were AWOL from courage."

New WORT market research: 38% of Mel and Floyd listeners tune in on old tube radios, 40% on crystal sets they made themselves, and the rest pick it up on their fillings.

*break*

SP: If they're gonna have a dictatorship, why can't I be the dictator? That's all I ask.
Having a Gang of Four would be pretty neat. A Gang of Five would get you sheepshead and you could break ties.

Study: Telephone poll participation down.

WASHINGTON (AP) — More Americans are refusing to participate in telephone polls these days, but carefully conducted surveys still can get accurate samples of public opinion —

Mel & SP in chorus: according to a new poll.
Mel used to do polls as a part-time job (so now he's branched into radio -"Why do it retail when you can do it wholesale?"). Seniors were always happy as heck to share their opinions.
He once overheard a coworker, trying to get an answer out of an indecisive subject, say, "Well, most people are saying 'C'."
SP: ever get tempted to fill them in yourself? "I have a degree in English! I can imagine what it's like to be a single mother of three children."

Bush campaign welcomes new fundraisers.

Kerry needs to take a page from McGovern's playbook and tell someone to kiss his *ss.
Mel: I can't say that word cuz the FCC will shut us down.
Message to Kerry: Cut out the "I didn't inhale" crap and be honest - you're not making any friends waffling.

From ScientificAmerican.com: an article by Michael Schermer (sp?) about the fallacies of self-assessment.
Examples: Only 1% of high-school seniors rate themselves below average on "getting along with people." 60% put themselves in the top 10%.

In response to the question, "Who is most likely to go to heaven?"
Clinton: 52%
Princess Di: 60%
Michael Jordan: 65%
Mother Theresa: 79%. SP: What did the other 21% say, she was going straight to hell?
Mel: She makes it up on the t-shirts.
87% thought they would themselves go.

*break*

No-carb-eating-couple booted from buffet.

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah (AP) -- A couple on a low-carb diet were kicked out of a buffet restaurant after the manager said they'd eaten too much roast beef.

Mel: This might end up on the Supreme Court.

Sui Amaama, who along with his wife have been on the Atkins Diet for two weeks, was asked to leave after he went up to the buffet at the Chuck-A-Rama in suburban Taylorsville for his 12th slice of roast beef.

12 slices! You're not gonna lose weight like that.

Louisiana may ban low-slung pants.
SP: There goes half my students.
Mel: They're calling this the ban on crack.

"I'm sick of seeing it," said Shepherd, a first-term legislator.

SP: Well, focus your eyes somewhere else! Why is he looking at their midriffs anyway?

The bill would punish anyone caught wearing low-riding pants with a fine of as much as $500 or as many as six months in jail, or both.

SP: Those low slung pants are popular in jails.

Waverly, WI: Rocks in Waverly might signal long-ago meteor.

Revamped Iraqi flag unveiled.

Iraqi leaders presented a new national flag Wednesday after protests that a version unveiled earlier this week resembled the flag of Israel.

Mel: Just another one of those little things we did right over there.

Premier Radio Networks reveals the "next Paul Harvey": Donald Trump.

Starting June 15, "Trumped!" is slated to air during morning drive on stations across the country. No word yet on an outlet in Chicago, where Clear Channel owns seven stations.

Mel: Plus he's engaged again.

Boys charged with making sausage bomb

Fort Myers, FL, Apr. 27 (UPI) -- Two teens face charges of making a bomb out of a bottle of homemade napalm wrapped in kielbasa sausage, the Fort Myers News-Press reported Tuesday.
Lee County sheriff's spokeswoman Ileana LiMarzi said, "Everybody laughs when they call me about this," but she said bomb squad members weren't laughing when they had to disarm it.

Oh no, weiner bombs!

[and that's it.]

Slow down the presses

Just bunged off a quick email response to a staffer at a campus paper, who had questions about our Info Architecture class project. The paper in question had asked our prof for our contact info weeks ago, and I was actually looking forward to promoting how much community service SLIS and its students contribute. We'd about given up on them contacting us at this point.

Other than not identifying the paper the article is for (though I do know), confusing me with our client, appearing completely flustered at an imminent deadline, using "end of the year" to mean "end of the school year," and spelling my name wrong, I think they did a pretty good email interview.

Shitloads of money

It's payday. Someone at work wrote this Liz Phair lyric on a post-it and stuck it by the paycheck pickup box:

It's nice to be liked

but it's better by far to get paid.

In libraryland, you're more likely to get the former.

Library school nightmare

I had my first nightmare about library school last week. That's pretty good for being 97% done with the program.

I was in a dingy classroom where groups of SLIS students were presenting our semester projects. The teacher was calling on groups to present in what was clearly a violation of some presentation schedule, since each group complained that they weren't scheduled to present until next week.

The teacher called on my group, which included some SLIS students from my real-life classes. I was supposed to introduce us, but because we hadn't expected to present, I didn't have my notes; I didn't even know what the topic was. The four of us stared at our shoes while the audience shuffled and coughed. I apologized - in a thick Irish brogue, for some reason - that we weren't ready.

We got an A.

Hm. Not as terrifying as I thought. But what verisimilitude!

Library school exit interviews

So SLIS has invited its graduates to participate in exit interviews. None of my peers has a shortage of opinions about the program, myself included ^{(1); (2); (3)}. But what good is a student's opinion where political and economic pressures may outweigh the school's intentions? How can I say anything that hasn't been said better already? Why would I want to add to the torrent of conflicting opinions about library education? And who says I won't change my mind about what I say the minute I leave the interview? Cough.

After asking a few continuing students (and those innocent bystanders who've been exposed to my boring library school talk) I decided I'd do an interview. At the very least it'll help me sort out my actual impressions of the experience from idle grumbling, but more importantly realize what's to commend.

Hope there's a slot left. They'll take up to four students at once - anybody want to join me?

No posts

When I don't post for a few days, it could mean:

1. I'm sick.


2. I have nothing nice to say.


3. I've been hit by a bus.


4. My eyes hurt.


5. I'm pulling dandelions.


6. I'm overcome with indecision.


7. I lost control of Typepad's "Publish On" feature.

Apr. 23: Mel & Mr. Smarty Pants

Read on for notes on another installment of Madison's second-favorite talk radio show, Mel and Floyd.

Don't forget to go to the WORT Bowl-a-Thon tonight, 5-11pm, at Village Lanes in scenic Monona.

---

Different James Brown CD today - hearing the same thing every week gives the minions a false sense of security to fend off the forces of darkness. (Just like the Catholic Church?)

SP was away last week and says Lawrence U. is beautiful, but Appleton is boring.

Something exciting: Over the years, as many minions know, Mel and SP have accumulated a vast collection of potted meats. The collection is on loan to Mifflin St. Co-op at the corner of Mifflin and Bassett - check it out, see the meat and buy some tofu.

Church groups slam Clean Air Act. There used to be a fine activist Christian tradition in this country, until about twenty years ago... In Tim LeHaye's new book, these guys'll be writhing in agony on Judgement Day. Worms coming out of their eyeballs.

Meanwhile in Canada, mounties spend thousands on horses - kind of like Peg Lautenschlager with the car. Only if you get drunk on a horse he'll take you home. Horsegate! Man, those Canadians have their problems. Wish we had theirs instead.

Alert listener T. Walker sent in some James Brown news:

James Brown's wife has dissolved her marriage from her first husband so Brown can annul his marriage with her and then marry her again.

Here's the killer: they decided that once they get the annulment, they'll remarry.

Alert listener S. Hageman sent in letters from people who own parts of the moon that they've bought from the Lunar Embassy. See, this guy Dennis Hope has claimed that he owns the moon, and has been selling one-acre lots for $1999.
Swampland in Florida is one thing...

Nichole [hi guys], the M&F "official scribe," corroborates M&F stories with nifty links. SP says he read that Mel met Nichole at the library, and Mel said: "She was very nice - didn't seem crazy at all."
(Hope he's not just saying that...)

If you're listening on AM, stop it - you're violating all kinds of FCC laws. The regular engineer, Alan/Allen, is taking some time off to find himself.

*break*

The President is not a micromanager. A list of things Bush has said since 1997 (ostensibly from Harper's magazine).

Here's what gets SP's goat about recent media interviews with Kerry: here's a President who speaks fluent French...
Mel: He's not a president.
SP: I mean, a possible president.
Mel: Don't confuse the real President, he can barely speak English.
SP: Anyway, he's bilingual - you'd think that would be a point of pride for international relations. He used to answer reporters' questions in French, but stopped when he was criticized for doing so.

[conversation about Bush's military record compared to Kerry's]

SP: Let's talk about Bobby Short. I'm getting all worked up.
Bobby Short Ending His Run at the Carlyle.

Are toddlers who cannot sleep at higher risk of becoming teens who smoke, drink or do drugs?

SP is giving Mel the stink-eye over the different James Brown disc.

The exposure of Janet Jackson's breast at the Superbowl seems to have divided time into "Before Breast" and "After Breast." Broadcasters Fight Back Against Profanity Ruling.
Mel: I don't think I'll ever laugh again.

*break*

Last time SP went to fill up his car, he forgot where the gas cap was. He gave up and decided his bleached skeleton would be found weeks later - as he threw himself down in despair, he finally saw the gas cap right in front of him.

Beluga caviar imports ban to take effect.

How to build morale: call all your male employees "Charlie" and all your female employees "Cookie." Mel has a boss that mistakenly called him Kevin until Mel's last day on the job.

Top Ten Awards: paper certificates you can make to boost staff morale.
SP: If you really want to impress your employees, make paper crowns for 'em.
Can you pick out the "real" certificates?

1. Caught being good award


2. I love to learn award


3. I love to kiss ass award


4. Will wash my car award


5. Participation award (Mel's favorite)


6. Occupies space and time award


7. Great coach award


8. Incredible growth award (you know you can get medical treatment for that)


9. Good friend award


10. Awesome achivevement award

SP: Just pay them some screwing cash, jeez!

Now, Mel's own list:

1. Least offensive personal hygiene award


2. Eats fewer than 5 donuts a day award


3. Drones on and on in meetings until everyone else in the room wants to poke their eardrums out award


4. Procrasintor deluxe award


5. Least time spent on pr0n sites award


6. Haven't shot/stabbed coworker in more than a month award


7. Most creative use of a state car award (the Lautie)


8. Most consecutive days wearing tan dockers award (Mel and SP admit they could both win this one)


9. Longest streak of using the joke, "Working hard, or hardly working?" award


10. Least office supplies stolen (net weight) award

Iowa man invents lined diaper for dogs

Woman accused of making anitfreeze drink

OMAHA, Neb. - A bench trial is under way for an Omaha woman accused of spiking a margarita with antifreeze, then serving it to her former sister-in-law.
"Admittedly, it was a half-baked idea," [her attorney] said. "But the intent was to make her sick, not to kill her."

[And that's all I got.]

Collaborative cataloging afghan 2

As promised, a photo of the collaborative cataloging afghan knitted and crocheted by SLIS students (two of whom are hiding behind it):

Read more on the Silent Auction to benefit the SLIS Lab Library.

Update: the successful bidder donated the afghan back to the library (!) for all to enjoy.

Update (1/27/05): A homemade Dewey pillow's joined the afghan on the comfy couches - it's looking very homey these days.

24

So on the 7-8am episode of 24, the Good Guys (CTU) abduct the Nasty Terrorist's daughter from her job at the UC-Santa Barbara library reference desk. The rest of the staff - who we never meet except for a glimpse at a bespectacled, youngish woman referred to as the librarian - apparently lent their entire facility over to CTU without a peep. Thank God for the PATRIOT Act!

Oh, and the Nasty Terrorist's demand? He wants the US to dismantle its military-industrial complex. Must love Fox.

Now that I've admitted that I watch the show, here's JM's theory about a cure/vaccine for the "Cordelia" virus, with which the Nasty Terrorist is holding the country hostage: Michelle is resistant because she's pregnant. The fan boards have danced around her apparent resistance, one even suggesting that it's her blood that's an antidote.

"Forget the suicide pills! We need to simulate pregnancy - get these people megadoses of Ortho Tri-Cyclen and Triphasil stat!"

Common courtesy in jail

Someone donated a new Scrabble dictionary, which I recently got to drop off with the guy who requested it. He was actually playing Scrabble with three other inmates at the time I came around - "Dang, they got you a brand-new one!"

Guy: Those books look the same as the ones we had last week.
Me: It looks the same, but I'm sure it's a new cart - I hope there's something good on it.
Guy: If it ain't release papers, I ain't interested.

Which brings me around to the awkwardness of common courtesy in the jail. When an inmate asks you, "How you doing?" it's not really nice to say, "Pretty good, and you?" when you know damn well you're probably doing better than they are. The reply may well be, "Not as good as you."

If, in a clumsy attempt to empathize, you imply that you're doing worse than pretty good, you may look like you're taking your liberty for granted. Maybe just, "Pretty good, thanks" would be appropriate. It's less engaging as well, and the deputies prefer that volunteers be aloof.

cheekybeef library video

"It's a place where books are free..." (Flash)

Please forgive me if all the usual suspects have already posted this link, which a SLISmate sent to me - thanks, Amber!

I've been ignoring most of my Bloglines updates for over a week now. There are so many unread posts at this point that I've sunk into procrastinator's paralysis and probably won't catch up until I have a spare, oh, 12 hours or so. At which point I'll probably purge my blogroll mercilessly, then spend the next three months subscribing pell-mell to every meretricious blog I happen upon. It's a vicious cycle, but at least it keeps me off the street.

Farms-to-jails

This isn't really a jail library issue, but it's another cause near to my heart. The Seattle Times reports: "Farms-to-jails idea yields market for locally grown crops." I forwarded it to REAP, which runs a farm-to-school program that they say could eventually branch out.
Via rebecca's pocket.

Apr. 16: Mel & Floyd

I had the pleasure of briefly meeting Mel this week - he's a very gracious guy to let near-strangers interrupt him in public. Read on for notes on another installment of Madison's second-favorite talk radio show, Mel and Floyd.

---

SP is out this week, and Floyd is here to fill his drawers. "It's amazing he can fit that large intellect into those tiny jeans."

Floyd: He's out selling that door-to-door philosophy.
Mel: "I have some Kant here..."
Floyd: "No, I Kant."

Floyd was recently on a nice little island in Mexico. The interesting thing was that no one spoke a lick of Spanish.
Mel: They must not be as educated as us here. Did you try speaking louder? You know, they don't have the No Child Left Behind act either.
Floyd: It's amazing - they immediately lapse into English whenever you say anything.
Mel: "Here, have your margarita. Don't bother me for another hour."

Mel is pushing Esperanto to get us closer to the End Times.

Other than that he's fine.

Floyd got a letter from the Republican National Convention asking his critical opinion on Republican issues (probably because of his high income or all those guns he owns).

Floyd: I'm the only one even close in my voting district.
Mel: You're not close. You probably have a "g" in your name somewhere.

And now for some sample census questions on the RNC-2004 Document.

Floyd: "Questionnaire" looks like a French word. Why didn't they take that out?
Mel: Is there only one choice for each question? I wouldn't be surprised.

1. Do you support President Bush's initiatives to promote the safety and security of all Americans? Yes or no.
2. Do you support the use of air strikes against any country that offers aid or safe harbor to any country that helps terrorists? "Strikes - that's a labor issue, right? so NO!"
3. Do you continue to support the increasing of security at all airports, train stations, etc.? "If we could go faster we could get away from the terrorists. so NO!"
4. Should the inheritance or death tax be permanently repealed? "Write that in: Repeal Death."
5. Do you support President Bush's pro-growth policies? "I had that growth removed. so NO!"
6. Should small businesses be encouraged to grow and hire more workers? "They shouldn't be growing workers. So, no."
7. Do you support President Bush's plan to make our schools more accountable to parents? "I don't think our schools should be accountable to anyone. I'll put 'undecided'." Mel: "Just to show you're open-minded."
8. Should students, teachers, and principals be held to higher standards? "Relative to what? Those guys that check your bags at the airport?"
9. Do you agree that teaching our children to read should be a national priority? "They might get some ideas then, so no."
10. Do you support President Bush's initiative to allow religious and charitable groups to help those in need? "No, they should help themselves. Up by the toe-straps. So, no."
11. Do you support the new law that bans partial birth abortion? "What's this 'partial' stuff? You have to take a stand on issues. So, no."
12. Do you support President Bush's effort to increase Social Security and Medical benefits? "No, that's socialism. Socialism!"
13. Do you think US troops should have to serve under UN officials? "I think they should be tops. Our boys are tops."
14. Do you support President Bush's plan to increase military spending to serve our defense needs? "It's not really defense spending, is it? It's offense spending. Besides, they're not spending it, they're borrowing it. So, no."
15. Should we build Reagan's SDI shield? "Of course, to protect Reagan from the mind-bending rays. So, yes. That's cutting edge science."
16. Do you support the election of Republican candidates to offices all over the country? "It's a lot easier to decide if there's just one party."

Finally, they ask if you want to become a member of the RNC by making a generous contribution. If not at this time, maybe you'll "enclose $11 to assist in the processing of this survey."
Floyd: Wait, there's another option on the back here: "No, I favor electing liberal Democrats over the next 10 years." There we go.

Mel: So you'll send that back in and they'll send someone over to round you up.

Mel gives "Lost in Translation" a thumbs up because of the chimpanzee cameo.
Floyd: They just aren't making any good monkey movies anymore.

*break*

Lindows changes name of its operating system. To Bindows, actually. Floyd: I'm amazed that they didn't stand up and fight on that one.

Nebraska state senator forgets his own idea to dress up in patriotic scarves and ties.

Bush is stumped on questions of mistakes. Floyd: So what he's saying is, "This is the best I can do. Four more years!"

Michigan man wants to break the world's record for a fall from an existing structure.
Mel: I thought Gus Grissom had done that.

Circus folks stole Mel's dad's outboard motor. Mel's backyard abutted a field where the circus set up, so for a few weeks there were elephants in Mel's backyard. Carnies would trade Mel matches for ride tickets.
Floyd: That explains a lot.

Daylight Savings Time debate in Indiana goes on.

Candidate's cross-dressing adds to GOP race in Texas.

Bushes, Cheneys benefit from tax cuts. Surprised?

Hubble photos show newly found planetoid: Sedna, a moonless planetoid, and what it would be like if it took out a personal ad: "Lonely planetoid seeks moon. Objective: orbit. I would enjoy the sunset, except it never goes down." Sedna might have had a moon, but it left in a huff because Sedna kept leaving the toilet seat up.

Sounds like a Toyota model [Sedna sedan?]

*break*

Saturday there's a same sex marriage rally starting at library mall, then heading out to Sun Prairie, then Milwaukee, and right into the lake. Wait, not that last part. [sorry, couldn't find a link for that event.]

Wisconsin patrolman eats 9.5 donuts and wins big.

Floyd forgot Mel's birthday this week too.
Floyd: I had it down to two days. That's better than I do with my own kids.

Mel: We need to read the monkey news now or we don't get the faith-based monkey grant. No monkey left behind. Operation monkey freedom.

Dunlap, Indiana woman fights to keep her monkeys against officials who ask her to get a kennel permit. "What she needs to do to convince them is put the monkeys in a barrel." "Aw, cute!"

There are two houses next to Mel's up for sale. That seems to happen every six months or so. Rumor is the new TV anchor for chanel 27 wil be moving in. We're not zoned for media icons - Mel will have to takeit to the board.

With that, Floyd rings the bell one last time and that's it.

Stuart Davis show tonight

Waugh - I forgot to mention a sure-to-be-excellent show tonight at Mother Fool's: Stuart Davis, punk monk, post-apocalyptic folk musician, and lyricist extraordinaire. Come on down if you're in Madison.

Lacunae

I haven't been blogging much on librariana, particularly the library school aspect, because I haven't made up my mind on many of the issues (and I'm supposed to keep my blood pressure down anyway). However, when I read what Dorothea, a SLISmate of mine too, wrote:

Stephen and I have a SLISmate (who will remain nameless) who doesn’t know what HTML is or what it’s for, just that it’s got “something to do with web pages.”

and

Nobody should get out the door with a diploma who doesn’t know what HTML is.

I knew exactly what she meant. Then I remembered some other things I've heard out of the mouths of library school students who should really know better:

"How come you know the Dewey Decimal system, anyway?" (Found it surprising that I happened to recognize a particular call number)
"Who's Ranganathan?" (Thought "save the time of the user" was a stodgy phrase I made up)
"When it comes to new technology, I'm against it." (Victim of "fire-hose fear" - my fault for promoting weblogs too hard to a student group)
"I'm opposed to performance reviews. I myself have never had a positive review." (Who knows?)
"Should we really be giving such disgusting books to inmates?" (Didn't want to buy Donald Goines' books - though they are the most popular items by a long shot - for the jail library collection)

Yes, these kinds of comments from future librarians - on cataloging trivia, library history, technology, management, and intellectual freedom - may make one wince. I'm sure I've said something as mindbogglingly ignorant about some facet or other of librarianship too (like implying in a recent Reference Sources class presentation that school library media specialists might be hard-pressed to find city and county government documents pertinent to their collections).

I think that every one of us will graduate with lacunae in our knowledge, because there is so much to learn in this field in two short years of study (or, if you like, library schools' identity crisis has permeated the curriculum). Some gaps are worse than others.

Not to know what HTML is, though - man, that takes the cake.

Occupant

So the other day JM and I got this in the mail:

Inside was a newspaper clipping from the WSJ about a Briggs and Stratton (Yard Doctor, actually) "Problem Lawn Makeover Contest," with the word "maintenance" carefully underlined in red felt tip pen.

So, in a nutshell, we live in a neighborhood where someone pays enough attention to us to send this note, but not enough to learn our names or prevent us and our next-door neighbors from being burgled.

Maybe I'm stretching - it's not really the same kind of attention, I know.

It's still bluddy annoying. The last time I pulled such a prank, I was eleven. My family was living in a thin-walled townhouse and I put a pair of headphones in our neighbor's mailbox, hoping their teenage daughter, with whom I shared a wall, would start wearing them. (She didn't, and her dad totally busted me.)

This person should know better. The raw speculation on my part, based on the handwriting, is that it's some idle senior, perhaps the widower across the street who hires ChemLawn and hits his dog. With a newspaper - the WSJ, maybe! Evidence?

Some people I've told think it's guerrilla marketing for a lawn care company. Or the previous owner, saddened by the decline of her bizarre foliage showcase in the hands of us meddling kids.

(I wish I had a camera. I would make an album of this lady's taste in landscaping - while she had a legendary green thumb, it looks like she threw darts to choose where to plant the odd things she rescued from various nurseries' half-dead plant sales, and ringed them with a metric ton of white quartz and red paving stones. One cannot make straight swaths with the mower in any direction. The grass is not the problem - phasing out the high-maintenance plant menagerie is.)

I called the president of the neighborhood association, who's been very nice. He walked down our street with his "hyperactive terrier" and said he didn't see a single crappy lawn. He said he'd ask the alder if there had been any complaints, and invited us to call again if we should get more anonymous lawn-related missives.

Ugh. This stupid year.

Hooray for Wisconsin

... and Christina, a SLISmate who put together "Celluloid Wisconsin," an exhibit from the collection of the Wisconsin Center for Film and Theater Research. It's at the Wisconsin Historical Society until May 14, and got a front-page headline in the Cap Times. Congrats, Christina!

Immutable laws of shoddy work

Our library's copy of "18 immutable laws of corporate reputation" by Ronald J. Alsop, published by the Free Press for Wall Street Journal books, came bound upside down in its cover.
Let's start with product quality, eh?
(Oh yeah, and somewhere between CIP and publication, the title changed from "indispensable" to "immutable." Hm.)

Easter

Ah. It was nice.

I resisted the urge to open my planner all weekend, which ultimately ended up in a missed Friday afternoon appointment at the ReStore for database management - but they forgave me. When I came in Saturday, Woody, the manager, assured me that taking a nap on a Friday afternoon was one of the best things I could have done. With the help of JM and one of the original database class team members, we got done what needed doing most, so I was inclined to believe Woody - but I still felt off-kilter. I never miss appointments. (Or I like to think of myself as someone who doesn't.)

The rest of the weekend was good - a stint at the farmer's market info booth, groceries on Saturday, a little yard work. For Easter dinner I baked the first ham of my life. As usual, Pecatonica Valley Farm did not disappoint. Mom brought potato salad and pineapple upside-down cake, and green beans, cornbread and St. D's hand-dipped chocolate eggs rounded out the meal. We watched "Some Like it Hot" and I got to doze off... Later Sunday night I started a new crochet project with a pattern I've never made before. Also got a lot of my current novel, Dead Famous, read.

I reiterate. It was lovely.

Mel & Floyd's greatest hits 2

No notes today - I'm taking Good Friday off.

But while you're here, check out J.R.'s idea about the possibility of a M&F/Air America Radio collaboration. Got more ideas? Shout them out!

Bonus: here's the roundup of the Google and Yahoo searches that brought people to the Mel & Floyd "archive" in the last three months. (Want more?) They are reproduced here verbatim.

dog slapping cat clip art
www.irs.gov-small business plan sole-proprietor massage
bush "actual photos" "anti-bush"
smarty pants clothes store
"victoria's secret logo"
close-up photos of condoleeza rice
"montgomery burns" simpsons norwegian
john menard cigar
INFAVOR GAY MARRIAGE
a & a express towing, albert lea
horse leg injusries
how to make a maid rite
black Cat Tatoo "Madison Wisconsin
y singaporeans want to migrate?
"New England Mint" Bush Laden
felly's bag
tommy thompson outlaw nicotine
free naked nichole richie
BUSH SUPERMAN CHENEY BRAINIAC
annoying singing coworker gets hit
Climax, MN T-Shirts
"john menard" + "right wing"
Mel's Livestock in Wisconsin
photo pillsbury alan johnson dirt race car driver
1965 sidestep pickup truck rare
skunk scent to deter prostitutes
mel and floyd npr
parrot tattoo example
maryanne gilligans island pictures nude
lyric drug fridley
"Lennox CHina" and "Cats"
barney fif caught hussein
"cow brains" size picture weight
celebrities wearing crucifixes
nichole is a wiener
pictures of male christian salvation army cheat
taft detention center graveyard TN
deland prostitutes mugshots
simpsons ned cusses
jackass "woman bites"
nutritional information on tyson tequila lime wings
sputum bowl texas
french bread italians pasta carbs comics
armor deville gun storage
copps store madison +birth control pills

update 5/28: here are some recent good ones.
PDF of female with cuban cigar smoking tattoo
international sidestep pickup
pictures mokey wearing fez hat
floyd the bubble yum duck
nude pictures of women wearing crucifixes
singaporeans casino debate problems
pants storage
surreal sextant photo
people infavor of abortion
"statues of presidents"
isla de mujeres marijuana
fattest "sea lion"

and, 6/24: enough with you fat and greasy citizens looking for dirty pictures of the sidekick from "The Simple Life." There's nothing for you here. Begone, and spell Ms. Richie's name right from now on. Jeebus.

Gee, thanks

While making the most of my student discounts at the campus technology store, I ran across this in their help pages:

[Q:] E-commerce - Why am I not getting a list of orders on the Get Orders page?
[A:] This document explains why a list of orders may not be present on the Get Orders page.
If you are not get a list of orders when clicking on the Get Orders link next to one of the departmental accounts with which your name is associated, you probably have not placed any orders for that department account.

Nice!

Professor Smith

On rotations in the PSB one day, I called an inmate to come get the (very erudite) titles he requested. I yelled, "Books for Smith!" (not his real name).
He came up and asked, "Why'd you call me Professor Smith? Cuz of the books I wanted?"

Zucchini wird kalt

I can't eat steamed zucchini with chopsticks and blog at the same time.

Salaula

I recently finished reading Karen Tranberg Hansen's book "Salaula: the world of secondhand clothing and Zambia." Ever wonder what happens to the clothes you give to Goodwill, St. Vinnie's, and the Salvation Army? Much of it is destined for resale very far from where you drop it off.

Many Zambian entrepreneurs, particularly women, make a living from reselling bales of salaula, which finds its way to Zambia after passing from charities to textile graders to importers. Customers adapt the clothes to Zambian styles and imube them with new meaning. For instance, clothes sold "fresh" from the huge bales, though full of wrinkles and in need of a wash, are more acceptable than washed and pressed items. If the clothes look too new, it raises suspicions that they've been worn by Zambians already - and such "third-hand" goods are not desirable.

As someone who buys about 80% of my clothing secondhand, I found Hansen's chapter about the supply end of the chain interesting. But learning about the role salaula plays in the Zambian culture and economy turned out to be even more fascinating.

More

Zambia Times:
"Salaula has affected textile industry"
"Salaula craze hits Japan"
BBC News:
"Charity killing Zambia's textile industry"
Guardian:
"Clothes line: From a recycling bank in Ashby-de-la-Zouch to a small Zambian village hut, Michael Durham follows the journey of a £50 blouse donated to charity."
PBS's Independent Lens:
T-shirt Travels

More later...
Tha Australian, 11/3/04: Uganda outlaws cast-off knickers.

"Studies have shown that diseases such as candida [...] can be transmitted by soiled mivumba," said Gyaviira Musoke, the chief inspection officer at the Ugandan National Bureau of Standards. "Besides, it's demeaning to the people. There are certain items that should just not be worn by other people."
Many people in Uganda would agree in principle, but, when it comes down to matters of economics, they have always been ready to trade a dash of dignity for necessity. More than 80 per cent of all clothes sold in the country are cast-offs from Britain, the US, Canada, Japan and the Middle East.

Bit of a cock-up on the catering front

My only good excuse ever to eat at L'Etoile, and I blow it! Reservations for graduation dinner opened six weeks before the day, and I was on the phone first thing; but they weren't answering yet, and the option to leave messages didn't work.

So I embarked on my Saturday "off" (several hours of study and group work after breakfast out with friends). On the bus home, about 5pm, I realize I haven't tried calling L'Etoile back yet. My heart races. I practically run from the bus stop home. Too late - L'Etoile is full!

My name is on their waiting list (fat chance) and I have a plan B (dinner at Harvest, probably just as good) but I will kick myself for weeks to come.

Update 4/28: My deadline for cancelling at Harvest was the 17th (lest I forefeit a large deposit). L'Etoile called on 4/26 to offer me a table - I was #1 on the waiting list. Garaghablargh!

On "Fighting antisemitism"

Several bloggers are calling for more links to the Wikipedia entry for "Jew" in an effort to bring its Googlerank above that of an antisemitic site. Liz cites more discussion; I'monna just link it.

Not a convincing spiel

Last time I went in, some inmate workers were waxing the floor. I think I reacted grumpily when they asked me if I could wait 20 minutes before pushing the two book carts over their drying floors. When I did come back later, I smiled extra in hopes they didn't think I was being a bitch.

The floorwaxing delay meant I was still finishing the rounds as dinner was starting. I'd never seen dinner at the jail before. We're told it annoys the deputies to have too much going on at once. People who are usually lying around on their bunks or staring at the TV are all up, milling around or sitting at tables, waiting to be dismissed to the kitchen.

The menu: meatloaf sandwiches (whatever happened to Lent? I mean, even Burger King has fish sandwich specials on Fridays), corn, milk or coffee, other stuff. I couldn't see how much butter each tray had.

Everybody wanted to ask the library lady a question, and nobody stopped eating to do it.
"Wha hapun to my kiconeshun applicashn?"
Sorry?
(gulp) "What happened to my Kids' Connection application? I put it in like a month ago."
Um, I'm not directly involved in Kids' Connection, but, ah, I do know that there is a very long waiting list and, er, each application has to be approved individually...
(chewing again) "Tha' not a very convincing spiel. You should practice that."

Two weeks ago, someone requested copy of Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff. Later I heard him telling another guy what a good book it was. On the way home, I thought, you know, I haven't read it in ten years, but it is good. I couldn't find my copy, so - in what might be seen as favoritism - I checked a couple used book stores in vain. Then I decided to just get a used copy on Amazon, along with the Te of Piglet, both of which I was able to deliver this week.

The last time I bought a specific book for someone, she was gone by the time it got in. While I don't wish anyone more jail time, I was glad the two Hoff books made it to the right person.

Topic maps on the brain

They're everywhere (now that I'm looking for them). We recently broached the subject in Info Architecture class after Dorothea's excellent XML intro. Almost simultaneously, a discussion of topic map tools popped up on the Sigia-L Information Architect's list in response to Lars Marius Garshol's article "Metadata? Thesauri? Taxonomies? Topic Maps!".

So much to learn...When I took that metadata class last summer I wasn't quite ready for it. At the time, Jonathan (he's always got the good lines) said that our confusion would subside when we came across these ideas again - and it is. Finally seeing a topic map in action helps quite a bit.

Now to find something to map during all that free time I'll have after graduation.

Apr. 2: Mel & Smarty Pants

Read on for notes on another installment of Madison's second-favorite talk radio show, Mel and Floyd.

Mel and Floyd need help (ahem): About six months ago, Rush Limbaugh featured a clip of a song by a gay musician on his show, and a M&F fan wrote in to ask if they could identify the song. Minions, any ideas? Let Mel and Floyd know. Details below.

update 4/8: I emailed the "Customer Care" folks at the Rush Limbaugh show about their $7/month "RUSH 24/7" club, but it looks like even buying access won't help find the answer:

Received: 4/2/2004 11:54 AM
To: memberservice@rushlimbaugh.com
Subject: RE: Audio archives question
Could you please let me know how far back the audio archives go for 24/7 members?
Thanks.

And they wrote me back:

The Rush 24/7 archives extend back for the past 4 weeks.
Thank you for your inquiry.
Jeff R
Premiere Radio Networks Customer Care

I s'pose I could have just asked them if they recall the song itself... Jack, if you're reading, you could maybe try that approach. Easier than finding a fan of both Rush and M&F who might happen to know, and certainly better than giving Limbaugh any money.

---

SP is doing as well as he can while he contemplates the horror of existence.

Speaking of the sun burning out...SP's addiction to comic books - "in it up to my nose" - led him to go to MPLS/St. Paul in the Prius ("Batmobile") and laid out $200.
Mel: How many books you get for that?
SP: 2.

Batman never took on WWII, though Superman did. Superman is the more fantastic character, but his stories are more realistic. Batman's more of a normal guy in a weird, surreal setting. Giant typewriters and stuff like that.

Slam Bradley, PI, is another favorite - he has a little nebbischy sidekick named Bingo or Ouchie or something.

SP: There's a lot of boys in these books.
Mel: Congress noticed that.

Captain Marvel, Jr.'s magic phrase was not "Shazaam!" (like CM Sr.) but simply "Captain Marvel!" This book, also from 1945, doesn't mention the war. But when comics did get into current events, they were always terribly racist - big teeth and weird glasses on Japanese characters, etc.

Schwarzenegger took a sex harassment class. SP: He had to learn how to do it?

An alert listener pointed out that some monkeys do indeed get drunk. Contrary to what Science News said last week, a Discovery Channel documentary claims that, at a hotel in Africa, monkeys steal unattended drinks until they pass out, then they lay around in an alcoholic haze.

Letters from listeners:
Jenny Morgan from Milwaukee writes: While passing through Madison last week she heard Mel and Floyd. In big letters: "What a freakin' stitch these guys are!" She loved every minute of the show and wished the stuffed shirts in Milwaukee public radio would loosen up. SP: We're not public radio, but thanks.

Response to a citizen's email to the Illinois governor's office:
"Should a response be required, it will be important for you to enclose your postal address." It goes on: If you need to send your address to us via another email, please attach the original email. No requests sent by email will be replied to by email, but by postal mail.
Mel: You could paralyze the whole state of Illinois in a feedback loop.

Another weird SP fact: he used to send letters to heads of state to get the neat letterhead. Then he got on the mailing lists for commemorative plates, stamps, etc.

SP has letters from the Queen of England's 25th and 50th jubilees. They were very nice.

One official wrote back: "Thank you for doing whatever it is you do."

The Governor General (GG) of Canada once sent him a huge packet about what s/he does. It's kind of a do-nothing office.

Purebred dogs resemble owners. SP (as stoner): "Dude, those dogs look like people. I think there's a story in this." I'm not much for purebreds, but I do like terriers - what does that say about me?

Another letter! How do you write to Mel and Floyd? Email the governor of Illinois. Or, write to 118 S. Bedford St., Madison, WI 53703.

Jack writes [I paraphrase]: Probably six months ago, Rush Limbaugh featured a clip of a song by a gay musician. It was not a tribute as you might well guess. However, it must have been one of the better moments on the show. I want to hear that song again, but I don't know the name of the musician or the song (a remake of a 60's tune). I can just about hear the words in my mind's eye (or ear).

SP: I feel the way the librarians at Madison Public Library must feel: "I read this one book once..."

Minions, any ideas? Let Mel and Floyd know. [at first glance, if you don't mind paying $7/month to Rush Limbaugh, you can listen to his audio archives. Not yet found out how far back they go.]

Take your son or daughter to work day (aka "Scared Straight") is coming up. Mel: "These are cubicles. I went to a state school. I didn't study very hard."

*break*

SP: did you fall for any April Fools jokes? Poor Peg Lautenschlager gets written up at onmilwaukee.com. SP: Sure, it's an easy shot. But my theory is "Pick the carcass clean."

Those wacky fundamentalist writers....
SP: Let's just send them all to an end times theme park in Iran and let them duke it out.
Mel: The scary thing is, these guys are so matter-of-fact and sure about every detail of the end of the world.

SP: Let's talk about Mrs. Wisconsin. The reigning Mrs. WI is available ... to speak - maybe WORT should put her on the next pledge drive.
SP: She doesn't wear that crown all the time, you know.
Mel: Just in bed.

They're doing a remake of "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" without Danny Kaye.

SP's on a total 1940's kick ("Like an oil slick across my consciousness."). Mel doesn't like the 40's as much. "What's wrong with them? We went right from a war to McCarthyism."

*break*

Mel would like to inject some facts into the radio show for once: Long ago, Colin Powell was discussing his priorities as the nation's new Secretary of State. Guess where al Quaeda was on that list? It wasn't.

Record-setting Bush fundraising drive nears climax.

"They've got so much money that they're not really sure what to do with it. It's going to buy a lot of television ads. But there are only so many television ads to buy," said Craig Aaron, a senior researcher at Public Citizen.

SP: Maybe they'll choke on it.

Man allegedly tries to buy vote with beer.

Republican Senate candidate in Illinois asks Democrats to stop questioning his divorce. He was married to Seven of Nine of Star Trek: Voyager fame.

Now, call Dr. Dave and ask him what song Rush Limbaugh was playing that day.

Magnetic bubble memory

There are many kinds of "auxiliary storage" to choose from, but my favorite kind to say is magnetic bubble memory.

I chose "auxiliary storage" as a name for this weblog because it seemed apt: with enough twee stretching, you could think of it as a peripheral device for my system (i.e., brain). Like any analogy, it tends to break down: usually, thinking about something enough to blog it etches it into my primary storage.