The Big Miscellaneous

The Darker Side of Spam-Man

Enter Spam-Man

Writer: John Sams

Parody of: Enter Sandman by Metallica

Download 2-02 Enter Spam-Man

Probably my least favorite Spam-Man song, I once wrote that, “There’s just something about XSFAT singing Metallica that doesn’t work.  Although I do like the cutting corners aspect of the line ‘It was a real long battle, but our hero wins.’ My original idea was called Enter Sandwich.”   I have no idea what that song was about.

Up Next: The first song finally makes it.

Boo! (Movies from October)

Alice in Wonderland (1985) – This made for TV movie had a little nostalgia tied in, but there’s a reason a lot of it was forgotten.  “You know what this scene needs? Scott Baio dressed up as a pig!” “Brilliant!” Three amusing thoughts though: 1) Pat Morita should have been a little upset that they didn’t give him any make-up or prosthetics when he portrayed a horse.  Everyone else got something – but apparently the make-up artist figured he looked enough like a horse and just put him in a horse suit. 2) With barely a line to her credit, Shelley Winters should be equally ashamed to have appeared as a duck. 3) Merv Griffin agreed to appear in the movie, and you give the part of the Gryphon to Sid Caesar?  That’s just freakin’ lazy.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian – Although it’s a perfectly acceptable movie and sequel, Caspian (which I had never read) did seem to have less of a thrust than it’s predecessor.  Simply put, it just didn’t seem to mean as much.  It also had two moments (attacking trees and attacking rivers) that seemed to be ripped right out of the Lord of the Rings triology.  Or maybe the other way around.  Whatever the case, I liked it, but it just didn’t feel right.

The Dark Knight – Still a great movie.  I mean, how many comic book superhero movies are not only this exciting, but can also make you cry in the process?  Not that I almost cried or anything…

District 9 – I knew the basic premise of the movie before I saw it, but I didn’t know the plot.  And as per usual, that is actually a helpful thing as it makes the film more exciting and unpredictable.  Without that, luckily, its still a pretty good movie, with decent pacing and extremely convincing Prawn effects.  On the negative side, it’s documentary style is wasted (when they are not breaking its rules to begin with), and a lot of the basic plot elements seem silly and out of character.  However, that may have more to do with lack of foreknowledge than anything else.  I’ll need to see it again to know for sure.

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Not so bad.  Okay, there’s plenty of stupidity in this movie, and its clear that the plot was a distant, distant second to anything else in the move.  But the Parisian chase scene is pretty good anyway, as are most of the action sequences.  So, if you are a 10-year old boy or were a 10-year old boys in the 80‘s, it perfectly entertaining.

The Hangover – The newest from Old School director Todd Phillips find a bachelor party gone terribly awry Dude, Where’s My Car-style?  The cast is hilarious, and the writing itself is almost always some variety of funny. Though I’d imagine it’s unlikely to have the staying power of its comedy brethren, I actually liked this one a lot more than just about any other of its ilk since Old School itself.

Speed Racer - * Sigh * Sean was right – this is actually a pretty good movie.  Being from the Wachowskis, it’s easy to see why Matrix fans would hate it, and parents may avoid it.  And I found that a little too much of the movie was preoccupied with Spritle’s antics and kid humor.  But I also understand, I suppose.  I can’t tell what was taken directly from the old cartoon, having never seen any of it, but the gloss of the movie, the not-quite-cliched message, and a game cast all lead to a movie that I thoroughly enjoyed all the way through.  It’s probably better than it has any right to be.

Stuck –When Steven Rea gets lodged in her windshield following a hit-and-run, Mena Suvari tries to decide how to handle the persistently alive man in Stuart Gordon’s take on a true story.  It’s pretty efficient for a horror story, taking a premise that should’ve lasted for 45 minutes top and bringing it to a satisfying 98 or so.  And Stuart Gordon definitely knows his way around a horror story, so it’s pretty suprising to me that he handles a “realistic” thriller as well as he does.  I liked it, about as well as I expected to.

Up – Although its probably my least favorite Pixar film, it is still technically brilliant.  It looks great, the voice work is impeccable, and its another showcase for high class animated filmmaking.  However, falling squarely in between the age brackets shown in the film, its easy for me to pass.  The juvenile humor parts are extremely silly, and I found the elderly themes a wee bit depressing (as was the beautiful love story montage). And although I thought a lot of the dog humor was positively hilarious, the movie as a whole was just not one for me, really.

 

The X-Files: I Want to Believe – I never really heard much about this second film adaption of the series, and I understand why.  It is not a bad film or anything, it is just wholly unremarkable.  But it is good to see Mulder and Scully again (I was a late-bloomer to the show), and especially good since it mostly eschews the conspiracy story-line that was always my least favorite aspect.  And although I don’t know that I’m jumping to watch it again (besides not understanding some basic plot elements), it does make me want to watch the show again, so its at least successful in that regard.

 

My Halloween Quadruple Feature – To celebrate the end of the month, I closed with four horror movies in a row.  The 1972 Tales From the Crypt (which I saw earlier this year) was probably the one that left me most uneasy.  It’s cheap but effective, especially with the Blind Alleys finale, which is one of my favorite anthology stories.  Another one of my favorite anthology stories is The Raft, the centerpiece of the gruesome, but not actually scary Creepshow 2.  Then there was the recent slasher picture Hatchet, which caused me to laugh myself silly.  Although I didn’t much appreciate the finale, as it seemed both rushed and inconsequential, for most of the film I was in slasher movie heaven, and I highly recommend it to fans of the genre.  But of course, all three were easily dwarfed by the scariest thing I had seen all month: Meet the Spartans.  Wow.  I wonder if Frank Miller would have even written 300, if the had the foreknowledge of the shit that was to come out of the Friedberg/Seltzer response.. 

Where was Mr. Fletcher in all this?

I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up

Writer: JonMichael Rasmus

Parody of: Stop! in the Name of Love by The Supremes

Download 3-06 I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

JonMichael was fond of grabbing pop cultural motifs (Fahrvegnugen) and off-the-wall parodies (Caulking in Your Sleep), and this song was kind of a cross between the two.  It’s doesn’t necessarily work, but there are a few semi-funny lines and ideas.

Up Next: Take that, Lars...

Not Sure If This Is Right

A Ton is the Largest Amount of Weight

Writer: JonMichael Rasmus

Parody of: One by Three Dog Night

Download 5-21 A Ton is the Largest Amount of Weight

JM wrote “I really wish that I didn't sound like fingernails on a chalkboard during this song.  The reason I wish that is that "Two can be the same as one but only if you double ton number one" is funny but not when it sounds like mating hippos.  Metric tons, by the way, are not the largest amount of weight.”  Personally, I’ve never held an opinion on this song.

Up Next: It's funny because she's old.

Whew! Snuck in that sixth in the last minute...

Breaking Away – A cute and charming movie about growing up. Breaking may not add up to much in the end, but it is enjoyable enough getting there.  A young and talented cast (including Dennis Quaid and Daniel Stern) are fun in their own right, but it’s the humor and sweetness of the film that’ll stick with you.

The Foreigner – Direct-to-Video Seagal offering leaves a lot to be desired.  In fact, it leaves almost everything to be desired.  Seagal punches and shoots his way through double-crosses, triple-crosses, and quadruple crosses as a former CIA agent trying to keep a package out of the hands of corrupt Russians, CIA agents, assassins, businessmen and a soccer mom.

Inglorious Basterds – Quentin tarantino’s newest is a clear Sergio Leone homage that has a group of Jewish soldiers (led by Brad Pitt) trying to single handedly take down the Nazis.  Of course, this being a Tarantino film, there are a lot more characters than you’d think necessary, a few neat stand-offs, seemingly extraneous dialogue, and plenty of quality film-making.  However, there’s equally enough to feel wrong about with the movie, including the glossing over of a real issue, reflective negativity, extreme violence and odd editing so that it feels as if several major scenes are missing.  Each scene may be some level of amazing in itself, but the whole is less than the sum of its parts.

Major League – As baseball season winds down, and the Brewers lose their chance at the playoffs, its important to get into that “We can do it” attitude.  Major League is a harmless, silly, and decently funny sports film about the worst baseball team ever created.  Some characterizations are better than others, but in the end, it feels like a standard underdog sports film, with every single scenario able to be guessed in advance.  It’s funny, but that doesn’t make it good.

Major League 2 -  The Indians are back, and not quite as good.  Inevitable sequel feels like more of the same, only without any heart.  Like the first one, I found Willie “Mays” Hayes to have the funniest moments (Wesley Snipes had the role the first time through, and Omar Epps had it the second), but there are a few scenes that are funny enough to make it worth watching.  Well, maybe.

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory – Steve Seagal went back to his most mainstream role for this decent sequel, as an ex-special forces soldier-turned cook-turned terrorist puncher.  There is some extreme violence this time around, and its likely more violent than any other Segal film.  But the film also boasts great villians in the smarmy Travis Dane (Eric Bogosian, who is near perfect) and the emotionless killer Penn (Everett McGill, also really good).  They are the best pair of movie villains to come along at least since Busey and Jones tore up the Missouri.  

Lunch Lady Land

Cafeteria Food

Writer: John Sams

Parody of: California Girls by The Beach Boys

Download 1-12 Cafeteria Food

It’s not exactly funny, but I figured doing a song that was pro-school food was kind of inherently funny.  From JM, “I like the way that all three of us get to sing on this (even if Finch comes in early (again!)), but I still think that this ode to lunch room food is, at best, misplaced.”

Up Next: A song that is just plain incorrect...

Blame it on books

It feels like I watched more movies in August than in any other month, and funnily enough I have a book to blame:

Above the Law – I am currently reading Seagalogy: The Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal.  Having finished the first chapter, Above the Law, I decided I should probably actually watch the movie again to more deeply understand what I was reading.  I do enjoy Seagal, and always have in some respects, so it’s probably not a surprise that I find Above the Law completely adequate, if lacking in a gimmick.  But whatever.  It’s Seagal punching and kicking people, and that’s pretty much all it needs to be.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua – It was on television when I went to visit my parents, and that’s the only reason I watched it.  It’s not awful, but it’s not for me either.

Bruno – A fan of Da Ali G Show, I was actually always more partial to Bruno than Borat, if only because the targets seemd so much more deserving.  And in that way, parts of Bruno are better than parts of Borat.  But on the whole, it’s still not what I’d want in a Bruno movie.  For one, it gets after too many of the same everyman targets as Borat.  For another, I spent too much time trying to figure out what is staged (some of it has to be), what is not and how he’s still not in jail for some of the latter bits.  Plus, the whole point of Baron Cohen’s humor is to straddle the line, which means occasionally going right over it.  Sometimes the inflammation is simply  too much for me to actually enjoy.  But I suppose that’s what the point is, so it’s hard to hold that against the movie.  Plus, the Harrison Ford interview is awesome.

Bull Durham – The Brewers weren’t playing tonight, so I watched Bull Durham instead.  And, with all due respect to the Crew, Bull Durham was just as fun, but funnier.

Casino Royale – So, a few months ago, I was watching all of the Bond films (mostly in order), through Die Another Day.  Then I stopped.  Why, you ask?  Because Quantum of Solace had a loooong wait at the library, and I didn’t feel like renting.  So, when it came suddenly last week – doh! – I hurried and watched this one, which I had neglected before.  It’s still good, quite good, balancing the quiet tension, the brazen action and the mean underdeveloped Bond as portrayed by Daniel Craig.  It doesn’t hurt that Eva Green is a total hottie, either.

Executive Decision -  Another Seagal movie, only not, as he [spoiler] dies less than halfway through.  What’s interesting to me was that the film is not exactly an action film, since it mostly takes places covertly, and big gunfights would completely ruin the plot.  That’s not to say there aren’t action sequences, there’s plenty and they’re good.  But it is much closer to a drama, and one that’s mostly about the tension.  I’d say that’s a good thing, considering its otherwise standard terrorist action movie plot.

Fire Down Below - More silliness entails when Seagal gets environmental again.  Luckily, it's less gloomy than Glimmer Man and less environmentally heavy-handed than Deadly Ground.  Though I haven't seen past this yet (at least not in a long time), it's also supposedly the last standard Seagal film, before he found his theatrical releases much more rare.

Food, Inc. – This documentary looks into mass food production, and how it may be destroying people, the planet and commerce.  It’s easy to pick out you villains in this film, usually by their declining to be interviewed. The film is not exactly going to change my life, but I suppose the point is to at least make me think a little more, and in that, it was successful.  Plus, it does at least seem as if the film is trying to be even-handed, if only in that it also looks somewhat favorably on Wal-Mart.  For a movie that seems to be generally anti-big business, it’s a nice, appreciated and earnest touch.  I can support that.

Friday the 13^th: Killer Cut (2009) – This remake is just fine, and best of all, does not at all skimp on any of the vices that made the original series the hit that it was.  Is it a great movie?  Well, no, of course not.  But it’s a perfectly good Friday the 13^th entry, as long as you think of it as a remake, and not a sequel.

The Glimmer Man – Seagal kicks some people in the torso, and Keenan Ivory Wayans makes a joke or two, in this follow-up to Executive Decision. It’s not really worth examining.

Hard to Kill – This is an alright Seagal outing (watched for the same reason as Above the Law – as well as every other Seagal on this list), although I seem to remember it being better.  There’s not quite enough violence, and the supporting cast should be better, but it does have its pleasurable moments.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (IMAX 3-D) – I wish more of this was in 3-D, but I’ll get over it.  Especially since this sixth outing is probably one of the better outings.  The material gets slightly more adult this time around, including a little bit scarier, but it’s handled adequately so that it can be experienced by kids without losing too much of an edge (though I remember the cave being much scarier).  Much to its credit, though, it also offeres a lot of entertainment in the teenage angst that serves as the background to the wizardry and mythology, which is a pretty welcome change from previous installments, as I recall.

Marked for Death - This was my favorite Seagal vehicle until Under Siege came along and it’s easy to remember why: Cool villains, awesome violence and nudity were all too appealing to my teenage self.  It may not hold up perfectly (no Seagal film could), but it holds up better than I would have expected anyway.  It’s slick, and as far as the genre goes, it kinda redefined cool for a few minutes.

On Deadly Ground – Seagal plays Forrest Taft (seriously), who takes on Michael Caine and his cronies in the name of the environment.  This is the laughably silly of the early Seagal – with many more expected.

The Onion Movie – The fact that it has the decently funny “Steven Seagal: Cockpuncher” movie as a running gag has less to do with me viewing this than you’d think.  Being a Madisonian is the real reason, as is simply seeing it at the library.  This sketch comedy wrapped around the Madison institutional newspaper is funny enough in parts, but like any sketch comedy, it has its misses.  It actually has too many misses in my opinion, especially when you include jokes I already read in the newspaper.  It’s not necessarily worth seeking out, but I wouldn't necessarily avoid it either.

Out for Justice – Never my favorite Seagal, this one is better than I remember, although Vern’s high praise may have something to do with that.

Quantum of Solace – This is a muddled entry in the series.  Craig does well again, bringing more hard edges to the formerly suave super agent.  But the villains and the dames have little to do, mostly just waiting for something bigger and better to do in a more developed screenplay.  The screenplay is in fact the failure this time around, jumping from one action sequences to another, never giving any of them time to breathe on their own.  It’s like an action film with all the joy sucked out.

Not For the Easily Offended

Smack Your Wife

Writer: JonMichael Rasmus

Parody of: Mack the Knife by Bobby Darin

Download 5-01 Smack Your Wife

JM says, “Why?  I don't even remember.  John was right to give this one a miss.  I'm not exactly ashamed, but just perplexed.  But I take full responsibility.”  I knew that at the time, I took offense at the song and wanted nothing to do with it.  It is JM and Jason who are doing the singing.

Up Next: California? Cafeteria?  Close enough...

Back to the Bathroom

Get the Mop

Writer: JonMichael Rasmus

Parody of: At the Hop by Danny & the Juniors

Download 2-07 Get the Mop

A perfectly fine song that I did (almost) deliberately ruin by pretending to bang my elbow on the wall during recording.  That is why Finch breaks down laughing during the song.  In the end, it’s a nice little ditty that we appreciate.  As with Irish Spring, the acoustics make it clear where this was recorded.

Up Next: The easily offended may want to skip this one...

Triumph of the Shill

Irish Spring

Writer: John Sams

Parody of: Wild Thing by The Troggs

Download 3-11 Irish Spring

Although there are a few semi-funny lines in this song (“Irish Spring, I love your spelling”), there was one aspect of this song that sort of dwarfs all others.  In order to get the shower sound effect in this song, we did the recording in JM’s bathroom.  In fact, we liked the acoustics so much that we did a handful of further recordings in there, too.

Up Next: Triumph of the Spill?

Seven in the Seventh

The Bad Seed – This one does not hold up so well.  A mother slowly comes to realize that her eight year-old daughter is a serial killer, but is torn between her love and her conscience when it comes to doing anything about it.  At the time, it was a particularly inventive story, at least one that the public had not seen before.  Of course, that makes it seem hamfisted, since the film needs to have a detailed, dull and outmoded discussion of nature vs. nurture. It also can’t make a single move that isn’t foreshadowing, and over-emotes itself to death.  However, this is all quickly forgotten by the end, when the Hayes Code rears its ugly head and the whole film becomes hogwash.  It’s passable until the final two scenes.  It’s laughable after.

Harold and Maude – A great comedic romance.  It’s a bit awkward at times, like it’s trying to hard to be about something, but it’s a lot of fun anyway. 

King Kong (1976) – Charles Grodin, Jeff bridges and a hot, young Jessica Lange star in this seventies remake of the classic story.  Unfortunately, there’s little to recommend it nowadays, especially in the wake of Peter Jackson’s much more successful version.  The film mostly suffers under its cheesiness, and its inability to reconcile the silly with the scary.  Consequently, both suffer, and the film barely makes it off the ground.

Public Enemies – The combined talents of Michael Mann, Johnny Depp and Christian Bale (not to mention a strong supporting cast including Marion Cotillard) would be hard pressed to make a bad movie.  So, it’s no wonder that Public Enemies is generally successful.  It’s evocation of the period is pretty astounding, and it’s attention to character is intense.  But there’s still something missing from the overall that I just can’t put my finger on.  It is still worth watching at least once, but I’m not sure it’s worth repeated viewings.

True Stories – David Byrne (and/of Talking Heads) created this marvelous concoction: A simple look at life in a simple Texas city.  There’s very little in the way of plot here, but the film is immensely watchable anyway thanks to wonderful characters, cool music, and a relaxed, charming attitude.  It’s a great film when you’re in a less than stellar mood.

The Vault of Horror – A follow-up to Tales From the Crypt, this horror anthology gets it’s biggest boost (in my eyes) from the pre-Doctor Who Tom Baker.  The vignettes are hit and miss, varying between obvious (the first and last) to the adequate (the middle one).  On the other hand, the fact that they censored a scene for the DVD is insulting, especially when it appears uncensored in the trailer included in the Special Features.

Wanted – Maybe I don’t like this one as much as I thought.  It’s big and bold, it’s got attitude to spare, and quite frankly, it kicks ass.  But in addition to the overarching questionable logic of the premise (I’m talking loom here, not bending bullets), there’s the fact that it is the most amoral action film I’ve seen.  I like cinematic violence as much as the next guy, but it seems that the writers revel at the idea of killing innocent bystanders. Most action pictures don’t do that, at least not without some sense of remorse or irony.  But there isn’t an ounce of remorse or irony in this whole movie.  It’s like the film is too cool to care, which is a hard thing for me to support.