A: Total number of ears, eyes, toes, noses, elbows, ankles, tongues, shoulders, knees, necks, wrists, and fingers (including thumbs) on the creature depicted on a recreational device on the cover of the pop album whose tracks include these five:

* Title is a 14-letter name used for the largest land mammal that ever lived

* Lyrics contain: “… Telephone, telefax, telefunkin' teletrash...”

* Title is the surname of a performer used in an anagram in Altered States

* Lyrics contain: “Though in slumber you fill my dreams And I make contact with you”

* Title is a 3-word Biblical phrase whose middle word self-describes its position in the M th verse of the D th chapter of the Y th book of the Bible, where M-D-Y represents the date of the N th birthday of the eponym of the first skater to land a quad combination in competition, where N is the day of the month of the birthday of the person who portrayed the roles of Dixie, Jesse, and Jillette in three films whose titles (in no particular order) are anagrams of MY CRONE, BELT SHEARS, and TO BE NTH OCCULT.

Z: If the first and last letters of the surname of a prominent CEO were removed and replaced with two different letters, the surname of the founder of the CEO’s company would be spelled. These four letters (the two original letters and their replacements) can be combined with a fifth letter (A) to produce a two word phrase which is half-antonymic of the title of a certain 1960s film. Two years later, the chief protagonist of this film reappeared in another film in which also appeared another character (B) played by an actor who appeared in yet another (fin-de-siècle) film whose star (best remembered on television as C) also starred in another film of that same year in which he played a character (D) originated by an actor who appeared in a 1970s documentary (E) and died in a country whose current president’s middle name (F) is the same as the common name of a holding of a major corporation whose managing director celebrated his fifth birthday in X.

Fill in the answers to each of the answers A-F and X (a number) on the lines below. Read down the first letters of answers A-F revealing a message that is completed by the number referred to by X. Follow the completed message to reveal the final answer.

A: ______________
B: ______________
C: ______________
D: ______________
E: ______________
F: ______________

X: ______________

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EAST/WEST Semi-Final:

A: The average age of a non-domesicated animal can be found by adding:

The age of Grover Cleveland

when a school in the field of medicine first

opened in a New York Hospital.

Subtract the age, at the time of his death,

of the musical artist associated

(in a way) with the words 'I love you';

then add the age of a major Freudian related

disciple in the year two states were admitted

to the Union. Add the year the lady

J.V.F. won an Oscar. Subtract the number

of the session of Congress equated

with J.D.H., then subtract the year

"The School and Society" was published. Subtract

the number of letters in the title of a Mel Gibson

movie. Add the hours associated with a Mr. Rodgers,

then subtract the age of the pilot whose name

is hidden in this puzzle.

By this time, if correct calculations have been

made; subtractions and additions, herein as required, obviously; problem solved!

Z: If MM=6, KK=9 and RR=21, what does JJ=?  It should be noted that these four equations form a closed and complete set.


A: Using alphanumeric code (A=1, B=2, etc.), sum of the letters in the first name of the eulogist mentioned in the lyrics of a 1990s rock song whose title places it at a certain geographical demarcation that can be found in six states.  In one of those states, the demarcation (remarkably) passes less than 300 feet from another, more unique geographic demarcation, located in a town which shares its name with something that, according to legend, was invented in the 1820s by a cheating schoolboy.

Z: How many U.S. states contain a point that is due north of points in both the Atlantic (including the Gulf of Mexico) and Pacific Oceans?

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ELITE EIGHT: North & South Regions

I know the Gs are missing from the actual bracket but I think you can figure out where they go.

Game G:

H: Sum of the first eight numbers heard (spoken or sung) on the album released in 1966 whose cover was designed by the man who would later produce the song with the longest title on Rhino's "Just Can't Enough New Wave Hits of The 80's" CDs (Volumes 1 through 15).

L: Two-digit number that, when digits are reversed, becomes the smallest integer that has never been the denomination of a United States postage stamp.

Game G:

H: M'Lady Puzzle

Click to enlarge.

Sensing you'll be throwing in your opinion,
Seems to me, more like a week's worth, I'll be seein'
Wait! Let me say just some things I'd wish for,
Oh, don't you frown, they're less than a dozen, I'm sure!
Then when I've fixed a few locks gone astray,
I'll be getting some kicks on the road, don't dismay!

When all the additions are final and done,
I can assure you, when noticing the sum,
That what you see will be more than an act,
As, when it's revealed, its a matter of fact!

L: Number of keys on a standard 88-key piano keyboard between (not including) the second-lowest example of the bottom note of the first inversion of a subdominant chord in the key of F# major, and the second-highest example of the 4th note of a scale that is in the Mixolydian mode when played on all white keys except for the 7th note.


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ELITE EIGHT: East & West Regions

Game G:

H: Arithmetic mean of the town with the zip code that is the ninth-largest possible five-digit number that consists of the digits from 0 to 4 in some order without repetition, and the town that is home to the site of the first land battle of the American Revolution to take place south of New England.

L: Denomination in cents of the United States postage stamp issued to honor the man (who is NOT the U.S. president whose wife died three days after another First Lady was born) who received twice as many electoral votes in a U.S. Presidential election as did a candidate who ran in a different election, the year the highest percentage of the electoral votes went to candidates who did not win.

Game G:

H: Find the 2-digit number formed by the last two digits of the undefined ninth number in the following puzzle.  The last two digits may be all or only part of the number.

In this pattern:   
    x   x
  x   x   x
x   x   x   x

put a single digit in each position, forming nine numbers of two, three, or four digits, all reading left to right (slanting up, slanting down, or straight across) , with no leading zeros allowed.  Eight of the nine numbers are defined by the clues A-H, but matching clue to position is left to the solver!

A – Age that was celebrated on his birthday in G by a man born in the state of New York the year before E
B – The largest number in the puzzle
C – A factor of F
D – Two different digits, of course, as no digit appears twice in the puzzle
E – Same clue as G
F – The smallest composite number in the puzzle
G – Year, see A
H – No digit in this precedes a larger one

L: Find the sum of the Order of Admission to the Union PLUS its Rank in Area of the state which has a "Kent" and a "Winston" name in its list of counties, PLUS ONE, which equals the sum of the Rank in Area plus the Order of Admission of a state which has a city located seven and a half miles south of the Canadian border in a county with the same name as the county adjacent to a county with a "spice" name, in another state, less the difference of the date on the latter state's flag and the date on the flag of the state that begins with the same letter as the state whose Order of Admission was in the same month (not year) as the state whose capital has the same name as a city in a neighboring state.

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SWEET SIXTEEN: North & South Regions

Game E:
H: The sum of the number of letters in the county last resided in by an emergency service officer, best known for his recipe for a spicy dish PLUS the number of stars on that county's state flag PLUS the ordinal rank that state earned in becoming a member of the union.

L: You and I are the only two players in a game of 5-card stud poker, with no wild cards, in a regular, fair deck of playing cards. I look at my cards, and see that I have King Hearts, King Spades, King Diamonds, King Clubs, 2 Clubs. How many different specific hands (sets of 5 specific cards) could you possibly have that would beat me (looking for combinations, not permutations – your hand counts as the same hand if you shuffle the cards into a different order.)?

Game F:
H: Take the maximum amount of money that a contestant can win on the current TV game show "Street Smarts" that is hosted by Frank Nicotero and divide it by 100 to find the answer. (NOTE: This refers to the main version of the game and is not meant to include any special tournaments, charity shows, etc.)

L: The number that CAB represents in a common numbering system, divided by the smallest prime that is greater than the number of diagonals in a hendecagon.

Game E:
H: The standard number of game pieces in the game that means "to transfer" in another language.

L: Download the question. [A Word Document]

Game F:
H: The age that the character Lucius Snow (from a TV show about a guy who gets tomorrow's newspaper today) would turn in 2005.

L: The length in feet of the record holder which you might see at Matsuhisa in Los Angeles, minus the record number of items eaten last July by Mr. Kobayashi times the record length in feet of one of those items, divided by the number of ounces in a pound of the items eaten by Mr. Kobayashi.

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SWEET SIXTEEN: East & West Regions

Game E:
H: In two separate Simpsons episodes, a scene involving Homer Simpson appears to contradict the work of a man named Pierre, corroborated by a man named Andrew. What is the sum of all exponents that appear in these two scenes that are related to these contradictions?

L: Using A=1, B=2,…, Z=26, the total value of the letters in the first name of the girl who discovered a very unusual opportunity to customize her car, which she noticed had the name of the car spelled out in individual chrome letters on the trunk. 
She removed the first consonant.  Then she removed the second consonant and put it where the first had been.  She continued to replace each consonant with the one that had followed it.  She put the first consonant in the space left by the last one.  She did not move any vowels.  Now the letters spelled her name! Hint: Her name is not Ravanac, Rodf, Roschpe, or Tisbusihmi!  It's a perfectly ordinary name.

Game F:
H: Using A=1, B=2, etc to Z=26, the sum of the values of all the letters in the name of the pet owned by the literary character whose (1) first name is the same as the TV celebrity whose father is in turn a well-known TV and film actor and whose grandparents (his parents) were a world famous violinist and an opera singer, and whose (2) surname is an anagram of the word that is as many words after “dither” as “bromidic” is after “trite” in the lyrics to a famous Broadway song sung by character Nellie Forbush.

L: Age that well-known film personality [FirstName] [LastName] was or will be on the 200th anniversary of [Event], where:
[FirstName] = the song used as the main theme on HBO's "Real Sex" series
[LastName] = an anagram of the main title of a Broadway song whose subtitle is "A Model of Decorum and Tranquility," with an additional "E" tacked onto the end
[Event] = the birth of the last U.S. President who was neither a Democrat nor a Republican.

Game E:
TeamlogoH: According to the 2000 US Census, the population ranking of the city (that has the largest population in its state) that has the same name as another community in the United States that is located in a county that has the same name as the city of birth of the singer whose identity is directly connected to the final occurrence in The Puzzle Decathlon of the category of puzzles described by finding a one-word anagram for whatever is primarily associated with the picture at left.

L: Price in cents for the bottle of Prell family-size shampoo advertised in the store window in Robert Bechtle's painting 60's Chevies.

Game F:

L: The number that Evelle tells a store clerk he's robbing to count to in Raising Arizona, minus the number of the tram that Tiberio boards in The Big Deal On Madonna Street

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ROUND TWO: North & South Regions

The answer to Game A's higher seed is 66.
Game A:
H: Aah! Is I?
L: Wet math

Game B:
H: Do U Sex?
L: See sign

Game C:
H: Rubs men
L: Cats

Game D:
H: Like Zee
L: Live is cut

For the first four answers below: complete the sequence.

Game A:
H: 16, 33, 45, ____
L: 47, 53, 59, ___

Game B:
H: 13, 21, 34, ____
L: 252, 210, 120 ____

Game C:
H: What is the 2003 Fortune 500 rank of a U.S.-based retailer whose name you would certainly hear if you were to read aloud the label on several common products including a large number that this company is ill-equipped to sell?

L: Sum of all occurrences of the mode ‘counting number’ (where, for example, 12 is a counting number, but 12th or twelfth are not counting numbers) in the lyrics of a children’s song which has an eight-letter word in its lyrics that describes many countries in the Middle East (and in another part of the song describes an unfortunate event that could require rhinoplasty), minus a number that appears (in a non-traditional form) in a song lyric that is a renowned mondegreen, in a song that has in it a distinct piano rendition of Chopsticks.

Game D:
H: In the sentence 
“Only Tom X1 and X2 X3 have personally accepted a(n) X4.”

Each of the four X words has the same number of letters, and furthermore, each has the same letter pattern, so wherever the same letter occurs in two different positions in one word, those same two positions in each word will contain like letters.  The article preceding X4 may be either a or an, whichever fits. 

Here’s an example, in which 3rd and 5th letters match: Only Tom Moses and Steve Petit have personally accepted a promo.

However, the right answer set (which does contain at least one repeated letter used in each word) makes names of celebrities and the statement about them is true!  Note: Word X4 is an alternate spelling of a more commonly used version. The four words among them contain only ten different letters.  Write the letters in the order they first appear.  In the above example, the order would begin MOSETVPI..., (but there are only nine and not ten in this example). Assign the numbers 0-9 to those letters in alphabetical order.  In the above example, 0=E, 1=I, 2=M, 3=O, etc.  Write the ten digits in the same order as their corresponding letters were written above. Find the town whose ZIP code is closest to the square root of the resulting 10-digit number.  Among all towns with the same name in different states, find the one whose ZIP code is closest.  Find the difference between the two ZIP codes.  Finally, add or subtract a single digit number to get a perfect square, whose square root is the final answer to this puzzle.

L: Which set of letters does not belong?

ONE: M, A, R, A, G, A, N
TWO: U, E, I, O, Q, S, T, N
THREE: S, T, R, I, F
FOUR: D, O, W, R
FIVE: S, C, O, O, H, E

Your answer will be sum of the letters in the set number (e.g., ONE = 15 + 14 + 5 = 34) and all Roman Numerals found in the actual set of letters, as given, that appear after the set number (e.g., for set ONE, M = 1000). This gives a final answer of 1034. (NOTE: This puzzle was discovered in Middle Earth with the following additional note: "Your answer is specifically related to an ENT and an ELF in that the ENT will help you figure out value of the set and the that you should split your final answer among an ELF." Why this was included has yet to be determined, but we figured out the answer, anyhow.)

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ROUND TWO: East & West Regions

Each of these is a cryptic crossword clue. The answer to Game A's higher seed is 84.
Game A:
H: Father, I had settled a debt
L: Care of adequate doctor

Game B:
H: Lothario ultimately overwhelmed by 2000's mothers
L: Selection from variant melody

Game C:
H: Spread Eaglet's finale excluded from "Music of 'Headbanger's Ball'"
L: What's left of Chip after ass blown away with antiaircraft fire

Game D:
H: Tools of tattoo artists' trade redesigned skin
L: Fix a Latvian president's seat

Each answer is somewhat self-explanatory. The answer to Game A's higher seed is 88.

Game A:
H: Sun god
L: What certain knights said

Game B:
H: German for "He"
L: German for "It"

Game C:
H: Goodbye
L: Me

Game D:
H: The President
L: Father

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ROUND ONE: North & South Regions

Here are sixteen sets of three actors. The answer to Springfield A&M's is 69.

1 Springfield A&M: Shelley Long, Gary Cole, Christine Taylor
16 Let's Make a Diploma: Eddie Murphy, Owen Wilson, Famke Janssen

8 Western Chicago: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Snoop Dogg
9 Bancroft College: Jim Varney, Diedrich Bader, Erika Eleniak

5 Camden College: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, John Neville
12 Synex University: Harrison Ford, Tommy Lee Jones, Sela Ward

4 CGNU: David Spade, Whoopi Goldberg, EG Daily
13 Jupiter St.: William Hurt, Mimi Rogers, Lacey Chabert

6 Communist St.: Trace Beaulieu, Michael J. Nelson, Jim Mallon
11 Univ. of LA: Tom Arnold, Dean Stockwell, Debra Messing

3 Servo St.: Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery
14 Miskatonic University: Rene Russo, Jason Alexander, Piper Perabo

7 Wossamotta U.: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu
10 E. Wal-Mart St.: Freddie Prinze Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar, Matthew Lillard

2 Pickard Univ.: Samuel L. Jackson, Colin Ferrell, Michelle Rodriguez
15 NW South Dakota St.: John Goodman, Elizabeth Perkins, Rick Moranis

The following pairs of numbers have something in common. The answer for UC-Sunnydale is 91.

1 UC-Sunnydale: 20-19
16 Last Name I Came Up With St.: 21-17

8 Central Hawaii: 46-10
9 Chester A. Arthur University: 26-21

5 W. Horseradish: 33-10 35-10
12 Handsome Boy Modelling School: 16-6

4 Clu Gulager College: 39-20
13 San Diego (MD): 38-16

6 Levine: 49-26
11 Idaho University of Idaho: 35-21

3 University of Quahog: 42-10
14 Olisbon: 31-19

7 Gorgonzola: 52-17
10 Pinchot: 16-7

2 U. of Pennsylvania Dutch: 31-19
15 Rampien College: 23-7

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ROUND ONE: East & West Regions

Here are sixteen musical artists. The answer to Wisconsin State's is 90 and Faber's is 81. Figure out the pattern.

1 Wisconsin St.: Roxette
16 Gotham U.: The Tymes

8 Directional St.: Peter & Gordon
9 PoDunk: The Shirelles

5 Texas Hold 'em U: Air Supply
12 Strondygon U: Ohio Players

4 Lodge St.: Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
13 Michael-Ridgeley Coll.: The Miracles

6 Hillman College: Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds
11 FOX's "Fair and Balanced" U.: The Jackson 5

3 Empire State Univ.: The Emotions
14 Boston Bay College: Olivia Newton-John

7 Adams College: Will to Power
10 Ixonia St.: Huey Lewis & The News

2 Faber College: Diana Ross & Lionel Richie
15 UW-Oostburg: The Doors

The following words or phrases appear in print following a number, which is the answer. The answer for Port Chester U. is 86.

1 Port Chester U.: Seaport of NE Italy
16 Jumbledpileoflearning: Sound systems

8 University of the UP: A revolutionary offering from Skechers
9 Altered St.: Lewder novel is refuse?

5 Larry College: Brave
12 Alaska Tech.: Geezers

4 Vance-Bernstein U.: Nova ______
13 Carlson College: Winglike parts

6 Truth or Consequences St.: Wicked
11 Clearly Fake College: Arctic Slab

3 St. Dunstan's: Like the Sahara
14 Grant: A Baldwin Brother

7 Coney Island Community College: Motley Stew
10 All Systems University: Septets

2 Linux St.: Wall pieces.
15 Niagara St.: 25, and 20.

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