JonMichael is Neither Jon nor Michael

Lisbon Antigua by Nelson Riddle (#1 in 1956)

This is the instrumental number one that I can never remember. Having listened to it on the web, I know it’s the one that ends with the trumpet going, “ba-DUM-da-DUM-WAMP”. Otherwise, this is pure cocktail hour music. Forget about Lisbon, you’re more interested in Glenfiddich. On a personal note, when John Sams and I were headed north, we passed the exit for New Lisbon, WI. John turns to me and says, “Oh New Lisbon as opposed to Lisbon Antigua”. I’d never made the connection and I’d never expect that John would’ve. Shows what I know.

Rock And Roll Waltz by Kay Starr (#1 in 1956)

What happens when a teen sensation suddenly falls out of contact with the world around her? “Rock and Roll Waltz” This shameless attempt at tying “old” Kay Starr and with “new” Rock and Roll may seem novel, but this song is just pathetic. The story is: a teen-ager goes out for the evening and finds ma and pa trying to three-step to Chuck Berry (or someone similar). Meanwhile, the brass is mixed too high and Kay sounds like Brenda Lee with an addiction to cigarettes. It’s cute but ultimately meaningless.

Band Of Gold by Don Cherry (#5 in 1956)

Don Cherry’s “Band of Gold” is a compromise. Don sounds like he’s trying … wait a minute. I just discovered this fact: “Don was and is the only person in history to have had a hit million-seller record, 'Band of Gold,' on the hit parade and also to have finished in the Top Ten in the U.S. Open in golf.” Well, now it makes a lot more sense. Don’s overvocalization here must result from his yelling “Fore!” And I’ll need to give the US a mulligan for the wedding synecdoche of the lyrics. Alright… I’ll leave him alone now.

The Great Pretender by The Platters (#2 in 1956)

Another great song by the Platters. “The Great Pretender” is one of those interesting sonics in that it is a cross between a harmonic 50s R&B song and a desperate cry for help from the voices in your head. The singer here is the in the denial stage of grief; a frequently documented pop topic, but the Platters extend this idea to the strangish arrangement and weird vocalizations. The façade is eating the lead singer whole… and his own mind won’t let him escape. That’s a lot for a song that’s under two minutes long

Nuttin' For Christmas by Barry Gordon (#6 in 1956)

Great! A Christmas song on Valentine’s. The only way to frame this song is in terms of what it is not. It’s not that bad, it’s not that unfunny, it’s not that poorly sung etc. Barry Gordon plays the mean kid pretty well and the Art Mooney Orchestra seems to be getting into this novelty number… but, people put this up to #6? Why? Even among great novelty and great Christmas numbers, this wouldn’t be in my top 100. (And not in the top 20 of the Venn intersection.) Although, this song did teach me the phrase “penny slug”.

It's Almost Tomorrow by The Dream Weavers (#8 in 1956)

The Dream Weavers are the antecedent of groups like the Bee Gees. Not the disco Bee Gees, but the “I Started a Joke” Bee Gees. This song, about a relationship on the rocks, is just plain hard to listen to. Instead of the traditional rock tenor, this guy sound Shakes the Clown on Quaaludes. The other Dream Weavers are either providing the “ahs,” which are ineffective, or they’re playing the instruments, which are also ineffective. The lyrics try desperately to imbue “tomorrow” with meaning, they don’t. In conclusion, this song is not so good.

Early Morning Thought

If they ever make a Jandek calendar, they should call month 12 "Dekember."

Memories Are Made Of This by Dean Martin (#1 in 1956)

There was a time when this song was going to be the theme song for John and my radio station. It was perfect because it was from the 50s (so it proved our ability to be versatile) and we loved the song. It was not until 3 years later that I realized the song was supposed to be a recipe. Boy do I feel stupid. The backing male chorus is the best and Dean’s vocals are the smoothest of the rat pack (including Frank). Hey, and there’s even a walking bass part. What more do you people want?

Love And Marriage by Frank Sinatra (#6 in 1956)

This song needs no description since it was played for years as the theme to “Married… with Children.” This engendered an interesting argument between Nichole and I. She avers that this song is ironic, sung by the 50s equivalent of a playa. I responded that Frank Sinatra was never ironic. The song offers no clues. If it is a send up of the institution of marriage, it’s dead-on. Everyone says you have to get married; everyone believes marriage is a wonderful thing. Is this song lampooning or merely descriptive? What does Ol’ Blue Eyes think? Who can say?

At My Front Door (Crazy Little Mama) by Pat Boone (#8 in 1955)

Great, Pat Boone ruins another R&B hit. And he changes the words! In this one Pat’s trying to figure out why a girl is knockin’ on his front door. Duh! The saxophone in this sounds like a tippergoresophone (and you can just imagine what that sounds like). The rest of the arrangement takes some interesting R&B and turns it into Pop pabulum. We’re definitely headed for a recurrent theme in the work of Pat Boone. Stay tuned.