The Big Miscellaneous

Movies I Could Squeeze In

Baraka – Sure, this documentary that just shows superb cinematography all over the world is at times beautiful and breathtaking. But, it inherently feels long too, and I would probably have enjoyed it more in little pieces, rather than as a movie. B-

Grandma’s Boy – Not that there aren’t moments in this Adam Sandler-less film from the Adam Sandler line, ones that are still kinda funny months later, but it’s not actually any good. This is mainly because the film trudges along with silliness for the first 75 minutes, before suddenly realizing it needs some overarching plot in the last fifteen. Not suprisingly, it actually does feel like a movie made by stoners. D+

Inception – For intellectual action, Christopher Nolan has been the go-to guy for a few years now. So, its no wonder that Inception is occassionally awe-inspiring. It definitely deserves to be seen twice, though I’m not sure that further viewing will be necessary. A-

Punisher: War Zone – A superhero movie told through a slasher-film lens, PWZ sees Ray Stevenson taking over for Thomas Jane as the brutal vigilante. It’s grotesque actually, and it barely tries to make Stevenson’s character likeable. In that way, it’s pretty fascinating, especially as a low-level superhero flick for the Saw generation. B

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World – It’s not a perfect film or anything, but I had more fun watching this graphic novel adaptation than any other movie I can think of in quite a while. It certainly feels different, with a chaotic amalgam of pop culture/video game/comic book references. It’s essentially very cute, but it’s overzealous attention to quirk makes it rather amazing. I’d really like to see it again, if only to find out if it retains it wonderment. A-

X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I’m a sucker for superhero movies, so I was always slightly interested in this X-Men spin-off, especially since it apparently had Ryan Reynolds kicking some ass. I was also pleasantly entertained. It’s convoluted plot may seem like too much, but there’s plenty of time for it and decent action sequences, basically loading it up and making it feel longer (in a good way) than it is. It’s silly, yes, and stupid, but I had fun anyway. B

The A-Team – B

April Fools Day – B-

Bangkok Dangerous – C-

Fanboys - C

Inglorious Basterds – A-

Kick-Ass – B- (Though I do want to watch it again)

Midnight Movie – D

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder -  D

Tropic Thunder - B

 

Movies...

Alice in Wonderland – Did Disney learn nothing from Hook?  Burton’s style and a game cast make for an enchanting film, but the remake/sequel aspect feels like its just an attempt to make the movie without having to make the movie.  C

Behind the Mask –  A promising premise, but it never quite lives up to its potential.  C-

Hot Tub Time Machine – Like The Hangover, only a bit less funny and a whole lot stupider – which is not necessarily a bad thing.  C+

Saw V – I came up with my “Killer Read The Script” flaw years ago, after a subpar Angelina Jolie thriller.  The key to KRTS is that sometimes, a script is so outlandish that the only way the killer was able to do what he did was to read the script in advance. The Saw series is a whole new beast, as not only did the killer read the script, but clearly several scripts in advance.  Torture porn may be one thing, but to shroud in such sloppy characterizations and ridiculously convoluted plotting just makes me sick for all the wrong reasons.  F

A Town Called Panic – This Belgian animated import concerns the antics of “Cowboy”, “Indian” and “Horse” as they overload on bricks, miss musical lessons, and fight it out with undersea monsters.  It’s super-cute, and occasionally hilarious in a way that few films seem to be.  But the whimsy can be a bit much in the end; It would probably be better as a series of smaller shows, which it apparently was originally, and that just makes me smile.  B+

Adventureland – B

Clash of the Titans – C-

Dead Alive – B-

Halloween (2007) – C

The Losers – B-

Midnight Madness – C-

Shutter Island - B

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – D-

Transylvania 6-5000 – C

Trick R Treat – B+

Wet Hot American Summer – B-

V For Vendetta – A-

The Latest Batch 'o Movies

Delicatessen – It’s probably Jeunet & Caro’s least accesible film, which is unfortunate, because it was also the first.  But after years of enjoying their other offerings, it’s nice to go back and see it.  It does grow on you though, with its naturally quirky design and curious story-telling.  B

The Final Destination – Although I give him credit for skipping most of the lame “plotting” crap and jumping right to the deaths, director David R. Ellis wastes that credit on an otherwise terrible movie. He had already made the previously worst entry in the series (the unnecessary FD2), but the laziness of this fourth entry takes it to new heights.  It’s biggest offense, though, is the interesting “twist” right there at the finale, that the movie blatantly disregards for random hipness.  That kind of bad planning is not only negligent, it’s flat-out insulting.  D-

From Paris With Love – It’d be okay, if I didn’t dislike John Travolta.  On the other hand, thank you From Paris With Love for helping me realize that I don’t like John Travolta.  C-

Halloween II (2009) – I like the first remake, but this one just delves into all sorts of crazy, and thereby loses its edge.  D

Sherlock Holmes – As a movie, it’s okay, but I do wish that it was both smarter, and more figure-outable.  It’s got plenty of style, and that is sometimes a plus, but more often than not it just feels like the writer and director weren’t quite heading in the same direction.  That said, It’s better than I expected to it to be.  C+

2012 - B

Any Given Sunday – C+

The Aristrocrats – D+

Avatar – B+

A Bug’s Life – B+

Diary of the Dead – D+

Duplicity – B+

JCVD - C

Kill Bill vol. 2 - B

My Name is Bruce – D+

Spartan – B-

The Thing – A-

The Thing From Another World – C

Now in an "easier-to-not-review" format!!!

2012 – The phrase “they don’t make’em like they used to” just can’t hold up when talking about modern disaster films.  Their 70’s heydey may have set a template, but that template really just consisted of crappy acting and spectacular set pieces.  But no flaming skyscraper or flipped cruise liner can hold a candle to that absolute devastation that can be brought about with CGI.  Roland Emmerich returns to the one thing he can do well (he directed Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow), and that’s destroying the world in inceasingly awesome ways.  The sheer spectacle of watching everything (and I mean everything) either falling apart, catching on fire, being flooded or any combination of the three is about all you could ask for as far as sheer destruction goes.  Well, less cheesy plots would also be nice, but again, that’s all thanks to the 70’s template:  It’s just not a disaster movie unless a family is in peril, and someone has to outrun the devastation (which in this case, is frequently a collapsing vortex).  (B)

The Decline of Western Civilization - Every since watching Z Channel almost a year ago, I had a desire to check out the 1981 documentary about the early LA punk scene.  And although it’s not as exciting as I wanted it to be, it was at least interesting enough.  The bands shown can vary between the less than stellar and the overly talented, just as they can solidify what I perceived the golden punk bands to be like as opposed to how some actually were.  Case in point, I thought The Germs were pretty terrible, and closer to my expectations of that particular genre (though I do know and appreciate The Ramones, The Dickies and the Sex Pistols).  On the other end of the spectrum, I found X to be very talented and listener-friendly, without losing to much of a percieved street cred.  However, the problem with the film is that it is clearly more interested in the concert footage than in the reasons, the attitudes or the fans (though all get a share of face time), which makes it harder to recommend to people who don’t know that they’d like it to begin with.  (C)

The Karate Kid – Aside from the sometimes hilarious 80’s soundtrack, this childhood favorite holds up well.  As film-making goes, it’s suprisingly good, with decent direction, a unexpectedly smart screenplay, and a good strong sense of it’s own values and limitations.  The acting is also better than I would have expected, with Macchio turning in a thoroughly charismatic lead performance, and Morita adding decent levels of nuance.  But I most enjoyed watching the film from an adult perspective, and seeing Johnny (William Zabka) not as the central villain (which I always had), but as simply a pawn in his evil sensei’s villainy.  It’s an unexpected touch from an unassuming movie. (B)

The Karate Kid 2 – It’s got the same strong character as the original, as well as the emotional cornerstones, but for the most part, this quickly shot off sequel seems unnecessary.  Following Daniel and Mr. Miyago to Okinawa is an okay if stretchy concept, but I suppose it adds an air of freshness to what leaving them in California would have accomplished.  It just doesn’t have much to offer that you can’t get from the original. (C)

Wall Street – I suppose if I ever needed to convince myself that Oliver Stone was a good director, I wouldn’t need to look past my own experiences watching Wall Street. It’s a rugged battle of kind-of-good versus evil, with pretty fantastic performances (though Charlie Sheen’s drunken acting is less than stellar, and I never did buy into Daryl Hannah), a few stunning shots, and a quintessentially 80’s feel.  But it’s the decently tense story that really sells me on Stone for one single reason: I barely understood a word of it.  Not being keen on Wall Street lingo, or how stocks actually work, I may as well have been watching a foreign film without subtitles, or at the very least, a screenplay based on a technical manual.  That lack of knowledge makes the film a bit less tense and engaging (I only understood when something was bad or good based on the way it was presented), but it’s a decent watch even so. (B)

 

I also have seen:

(500) Days of Summer (B+)

An American Tale (C)

Battle Royale (B-)

The Book of Eli (B)

Domino (D+)

Inside Man (B)

The Matrix (A-)

The Matrix Reloaded (C-)

The Matrix Revolutions (C+)

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (C)

The Proposal (B-)

A Very Long Engagement (B-)

Zombieland (B+)

 

Twelve in the Twelfth

Avatar – It’s not overly exceptional, but Avatar does have more than it’s fair share of awesome moments and spectacular action sequences.  But James Cameron is well equipped for this kind of sci-fi awesomeness, so its not surprising that he doesn’t dissappoint this time around.  I did have occasional issues with obvious plot pointing, and the Pandorum creatures look plastic (at least at first), but overall, its easy to overlook such minor problems in the face of something that looks this fantastic and at least feels this epic.

Creepshow III – Wow!  What a terribly crappy movie!  A horror anthology that picks up where the frist two didn’t even bother to go, this straight-to-video sequel lacks a lot; just about everything, in fact.  The tales vary between lackluster rehashes of previous stories, tacky (and unfunny) humor, and a plot that relies on characters that wouldn’t be smart enough to breathe without being told to do so.  It’s a poorly made, terribly budgeted, and thoroughly inadequate piece of film-making.

The Hangover – I actually saw this twice (on two consecutive nights), once with parents and once without.  It’s very raunchy, but most importantly, it’s also very funny.

The Incredible Hulk – Ang Lee’s previous Hulk was a bit too high-end for most viewers, and I certainly am not a fan myself.  But then there’s Louis Letterier’s attempt to reboot the franchise, and I’m even more bothered by how far it fell.  A few neat scenes aside (meeting in the rain, falling from the chopper), the film is filled with drab action sequences, cartoony characters, and a bare minimum of emotion.  Nothing makes me not want to see a big Marvel showdown like this limp entry.

Iron Man – Just as The Incredible Hulk hurt my faith in a Marvel team-up movie, Iron Man (on second viewing) renewed it.  Very funny for a superhero movie, and with neat political insights and action sequences, there’s just a lot that this film has going for it.

The Jerk – There’s something very basic about Steve Martin’s first foray into feature films; it’s not smart, but it’s not entirely stupid either.  But it mainly has a pure feel to it, as if Steve Martin had very little to lose or very little to prove.  He was just having fun.  Then again, maybe that’s just the way it seems when you watch it with a tween niece and nephew for the first time.  It was just, well, right.

Kill Bill vol. 1 – Tarantino knows his way around most of the genres he tries, and the Kung Fu revenge flick is no exception.  Stylistically skilled, and occasionally hilarious,  the film is never less than interesting.  But the big action sequence, while not without its charms, is a little underwhelming to watch so shortly after Kung Fu Hustle.

Star Trek – The 2009 movie loses a lot when it goes from IMAX to the small screen, but it’s still a great Star Trek film.  The semi-trekkie I saw it with was also impressed, and seemed to find it faithful to the Trek storyline.

Strange Brew – This movie is just silly.  It’s not bad, and it’s not unfunny.  But more than anything else, I can’t think of a sillier movie right now.

Watchmen – Like the graphic novel on which it is based, I have a feeling that this film adaptation just gets better with repeat viewings.  The whole thing just has the feel of an epic superhero movie, taking itself far more seriously than the characters or the audience ever can.

Zombieland – It may be less smart than Shaun of the Dead, but I think it makes up for that in a more tangible version of "bloody fun".  Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson travel across the country and kill zombies in their attempt to get home, wherever that ends up being.  It’s well enough made for a kinda B-grade horror movie, but it’s hella funny. 

9 in November

Be Kind Rewind – I had higher expectations for this Michel Gondry film, especially as it seemingly had to do with love of movies, but I don’t know that I was dissappointed either.  The film is definitely cute, but it rarely makes it to the level of funny (although I do find sweding inherently funny).  The cast is also generally good, and the pacing seems to work, but the movie as a whole just feels a little too whimsical to actually have much effect.

Hatchet - I watched this again with family, about a week after watching it the first time.  It's till pretty funny, though a little less good than I originally thought.  

Kung Fu Hustle – Stephen Chow follows his awesomely concepted Shaolin Soccer with an even more impressive free-for-all battle.  The Asian hyperbole is brought out in full force, as is the silly humor, but for action sequences, it rarely gets much neater than this.

Leatherheads – George Clooney and John Krasinski clash over the love of Rene Zellweger in this throwback to 1920’s football.  Although not exactly a blunder, the film does spend a little too much on the romance, and less on the football aspect, which for my tastes is where I wanted to spend my time: I found that, and the period detail, fascinating.  But the romantic aspects dragged a bit, owing mostly to Krasinski’s character.  He was supposed to be a kind of villain, but he was too affable to root against, and his talent for playing an everyman was not well suited to that role anyway. 

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus – I had never seen an Asylum film before this, but I knew they were bad.  True enough, the writing is incredibly stupid; the directing and special effects are pretty terrible; plus the film editor has crappy taste in transitions and frequently reuses the same footage.  So, the film is terrible, and that it can be forgiven for.  But a movie called Mega Shark vs, Giant Octopus has no right to be this boring.  I was excited to see it, and I was practically falling asleep.  That’s just wrong. Phooey on you, crappy flick.

Son of Rambow – This cute British import deals with a pair of mismatched kids who become friends while filming their Rambo-inspired action extravangaza.  As I said the film is cute, and it’s fairly funny as well.  But there’s an over-arching aura of sadness to the whole affair, which is probably intended, but I don’t know that it was the right way to go.  It kind of brings the movie down, ya know?  All in all, though, it’s good.

Starman – Some of this John Carpenter flick is enchanting, some of it surprisingly obvious, and a lot of it blasé. John Carpenter gives the film a lighter-than-usual touch, which does work in the film’s favor.  And I can give props to Jeff Bridges, even though I don’t think he was all that successful.   But the film felt a little too close to ET without bringing much new to the proceedings.  Plus, it gets a pretty big negative point for making the geographically inane assumption that Ashland WI would pick up a Madison radio station.  Seriously….

Today You Die – Uh, Steven Seagal beats some people up, teams up with escaped con Treach, and treis to steal money from a weird occult gangster guy.  Thank you, Seagalogy!

Wayside – I was super excited that one of my all-time favorite childhood books was turned into a TV show and movie.  And it’s not bad per se, it’s just clearly made for kids.  Oh, and it’s less than an hour, so I don’t think it actually qualifies as a movie.

Boo! (Movies from October)

Alice in Wonderland (1985) – This made for TV movie had a little nostalgia tied in, but there’s a reason a lot of it was forgotten.  “You know what this scene needs? Scott Baio dressed up as a pig!” “Brilliant!” Three amusing thoughts though: 1) Pat Morita should have been a little upset that they didn’t give him any make-up or prosthetics when he portrayed a horse.  Everyone else got something – but apparently the make-up artist figured he looked enough like a horse and just put him in a horse suit. 2) With barely a line to her credit, Shelley Winters should be equally ashamed to have appeared as a duck. 3) Merv Griffin agreed to appear in the movie, and you give the part of the Gryphon to Sid Caesar?  That’s just freakin’ lazy.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian – Although it’s a perfectly acceptable movie and sequel, Caspian (which I had never read) did seem to have less of a thrust than it’s predecessor.  Simply put, it just didn’t seem to mean as much.  It also had two moments (attacking trees and attacking rivers) that seemed to be ripped right out of the Lord of the Rings triology.  Or maybe the other way around.  Whatever the case, I liked it, but it just didn’t feel right.

The Dark Knight – Still a great movie.  I mean, how many comic book superhero movies are not only this exciting, but can also make you cry in the process?  Not that I almost cried or anything…

District 9 – I knew the basic premise of the movie before I saw it, but I didn’t know the plot.  And as per usual, that is actually a helpful thing as it makes the film more exciting and unpredictable.  Without that, luckily, its still a pretty good movie, with decent pacing and extremely convincing Prawn effects.  On the negative side, it’s documentary style is wasted (when they are not breaking its rules to begin with), and a lot of the basic plot elements seem silly and out of character.  However, that may have more to do with lack of foreknowledge than anything else.  I’ll need to see it again to know for sure.

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Not so bad.  Okay, there’s plenty of stupidity in this movie, and its clear that the plot was a distant, distant second to anything else in the move.  But the Parisian chase scene is pretty good anyway, as are most of the action sequences.  So, if you are a 10-year old boy or were a 10-year old boys in the 80‘s, it perfectly entertaining.

The Hangover – The newest from Old School director Todd Phillips find a bachelor party gone terribly awry Dude, Where’s My Car-style?  The cast is hilarious, and the writing itself is almost always some variety of funny. Though I’d imagine it’s unlikely to have the staying power of its comedy brethren, I actually liked this one a lot more than just about any other of its ilk since Old School itself.

Speed Racer - * Sigh * Sean was right – this is actually a pretty good movie.  Being from the Wachowskis, it’s easy to see why Matrix fans would hate it, and parents may avoid it.  And I found that a little too much of the movie was preoccupied with Spritle’s antics and kid humor.  But I also understand, I suppose.  I can’t tell what was taken directly from the old cartoon, having never seen any of it, but the gloss of the movie, the not-quite-cliched message, and a game cast all lead to a movie that I thoroughly enjoyed all the way through.  It’s probably better than it has any right to be.

Stuck –When Steven Rea gets lodged in her windshield following a hit-and-run, Mena Suvari tries to decide how to handle the persistently alive man in Stuart Gordon’s take on a true story.  It’s pretty efficient for a horror story, taking a premise that should’ve lasted for 45 minutes top and bringing it to a satisfying 98 or so.  And Stuart Gordon definitely knows his way around a horror story, so it’s pretty suprising to me that he handles a “realistic” thriller as well as he does.  I liked it, about as well as I expected to.

Up – Although its probably my least favorite Pixar film, it is still technically brilliant.  It looks great, the voice work is impeccable, and its another showcase for high class animated filmmaking.  However, falling squarely in between the age brackets shown in the film, its easy for me to pass.  The juvenile humor parts are extremely silly, and I found the elderly themes a wee bit depressing (as was the beautiful love story montage). And although I thought a lot of the dog humor was positively hilarious, the movie as a whole was just not one for me, really.

 

The X-Files: I Want to Believe – I never really heard much about this second film adaption of the series, and I understand why.  It is not a bad film or anything, it is just wholly unremarkable.  But it is good to see Mulder and Scully again (I was a late-bloomer to the show), and especially good since it mostly eschews the conspiracy story-line that was always my least favorite aspect.  And although I don’t know that I’m jumping to watch it again (besides not understanding some basic plot elements), it does make me want to watch the show again, so its at least successful in that regard.

 

My Halloween Quadruple Feature – To celebrate the end of the month, I closed with four horror movies in a row.  The 1972 Tales From the Crypt (which I saw earlier this year) was probably the one that left me most uneasy.  It’s cheap but effective, especially with the Blind Alleys finale, which is one of my favorite anthology stories.  Another one of my favorite anthology stories is The Raft, the centerpiece of the gruesome, but not actually scary Creepshow 2.  Then there was the recent slasher picture Hatchet, which caused me to laugh myself silly.  Although I didn’t much appreciate the finale, as it seemed both rushed and inconsequential, for most of the film I was in slasher movie heaven, and I highly recommend it to fans of the genre.  But of course, all three were easily dwarfed by the scariest thing I had seen all month: Meet the Spartans.  Wow.  I wonder if Frank Miller would have even written 300, if the had the foreknowledge of the shit that was to come out of the Friedberg/Seltzer response.. 

Whew! Snuck in that sixth in the last minute...

Breaking Away – A cute and charming movie about growing up. Breaking may not add up to much in the end, but it is enjoyable enough getting there.  A young and talented cast (including Dennis Quaid and Daniel Stern) are fun in their own right, but it’s the humor and sweetness of the film that’ll stick with you.

The Foreigner – Direct-to-Video Seagal offering leaves a lot to be desired.  In fact, it leaves almost everything to be desired.  Seagal punches and shoots his way through double-crosses, triple-crosses, and quadruple crosses as a former CIA agent trying to keep a package out of the hands of corrupt Russians, CIA agents, assassins, businessmen and a soccer mom.

Inglorious Basterds – Quentin tarantino’s newest is a clear Sergio Leone homage that has a group of Jewish soldiers (led by Brad Pitt) trying to single handedly take down the Nazis.  Of course, this being a Tarantino film, there are a lot more characters than you’d think necessary, a few neat stand-offs, seemingly extraneous dialogue, and plenty of quality film-making.  However, there’s equally enough to feel wrong about with the movie, including the glossing over of a real issue, reflective negativity, extreme violence and odd editing so that it feels as if several major scenes are missing.  Each scene may be some level of amazing in itself, but the whole is less than the sum of its parts.

Major League – As baseball season winds down, and the Brewers lose their chance at the playoffs, its important to get into that “We can do it” attitude.  Major League is a harmless, silly, and decently funny sports film about the worst baseball team ever created.  Some characterizations are better than others, but in the end, it feels like a standard underdog sports film, with every single scenario able to be guessed in advance.  It’s funny, but that doesn’t make it good.

Major League 2 -  The Indians are back, and not quite as good.  Inevitable sequel feels like more of the same, only without any heart.  Like the first one, I found Willie “Mays” Hayes to have the funniest moments (Wesley Snipes had the role the first time through, and Omar Epps had it the second), but there are a few scenes that are funny enough to make it worth watching.  Well, maybe.

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory – Steve Seagal went back to his most mainstream role for this decent sequel, as an ex-special forces soldier-turned cook-turned terrorist puncher.  There is some extreme violence this time around, and its likely more violent than any other Segal film.  But the film also boasts great villians in the smarmy Travis Dane (Eric Bogosian, who is near perfect) and the emotionless killer Penn (Everett McGill, also really good).  They are the best pair of movie villains to come along at least since Busey and Jones tore up the Missouri.  

Blame it on books

It feels like I watched more movies in August than in any other month, and funnily enough I have a book to blame:

Above the Law – I am currently reading Seagalogy: The Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal.  Having finished the first chapter, Above the Law, I decided I should probably actually watch the movie again to more deeply understand what I was reading.  I do enjoy Seagal, and always have in some respects, so it’s probably not a surprise that I find Above the Law completely adequate, if lacking in a gimmick.  But whatever.  It’s Seagal punching and kicking people, and that’s pretty much all it needs to be.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua – It was on television when I went to visit my parents, and that’s the only reason I watched it.  It’s not awful, but it’s not for me either.

Bruno – A fan of Da Ali G Show, I was actually always more partial to Bruno than Borat, if only because the targets seemd so much more deserving.  And in that way, parts of Bruno are better than parts of Borat.  But on the whole, it’s still not what I’d want in a Bruno movie.  For one, it gets after too many of the same everyman targets as Borat.  For another, I spent too much time trying to figure out what is staged (some of it has to be), what is not and how he’s still not in jail for some of the latter bits.  Plus, the whole point of Baron Cohen’s humor is to straddle the line, which means occasionally going right over it.  Sometimes the inflammation is simply  too much for me to actually enjoy.  But I suppose that’s what the point is, so it’s hard to hold that against the movie.  Plus, the Harrison Ford interview is awesome.

Bull Durham – The Brewers weren’t playing tonight, so I watched Bull Durham instead.  And, with all due respect to the Crew, Bull Durham was just as fun, but funnier.

Casino Royale – So, a few months ago, I was watching all of the Bond films (mostly in order), through Die Another Day.  Then I stopped.  Why, you ask?  Because Quantum of Solace had a loooong wait at the library, and I didn’t feel like renting.  So, when it came suddenly last week – doh! – I hurried and watched this one, which I had neglected before.  It’s still good, quite good, balancing the quiet tension, the brazen action and the mean underdeveloped Bond as portrayed by Daniel Craig.  It doesn’t hurt that Eva Green is a total hottie, either.

Executive Decision -  Another Seagal movie, only not, as he [spoiler] dies less than halfway through.  What’s interesting to me was that the film is not exactly an action film, since it mostly takes places covertly, and big gunfights would completely ruin the plot.  That’s not to say there aren’t action sequences, there’s plenty and they’re good.  But it is much closer to a drama, and one that’s mostly about the tension.  I’d say that’s a good thing, considering its otherwise standard terrorist action movie plot.

Fire Down Below - More silliness entails when Seagal gets environmental again.  Luckily, it's less gloomy than Glimmer Man and less environmentally heavy-handed than Deadly Ground.  Though I haven't seen past this yet (at least not in a long time), it's also supposedly the last standard Seagal film, before he found his theatrical releases much more rare.

Food, Inc. – This documentary looks into mass food production, and how it may be destroying people, the planet and commerce.  It’s easy to pick out you villains in this film, usually by their declining to be interviewed. The film is not exactly going to change my life, but I suppose the point is to at least make me think a little more, and in that, it was successful.  Plus, it does at least seem as if the film is trying to be even-handed, if only in that it also looks somewhat favorably on Wal-Mart.  For a movie that seems to be generally anti-big business, it’s a nice, appreciated and earnest touch.  I can support that.

Friday the 13^th: Killer Cut (2009) – This remake is just fine, and best of all, does not at all skimp on any of the vices that made the original series the hit that it was.  Is it a great movie?  Well, no, of course not.  But it’s a perfectly good Friday the 13^th entry, as long as you think of it as a remake, and not a sequel.

The Glimmer Man – Seagal kicks some people in the torso, and Keenan Ivory Wayans makes a joke or two, in this follow-up to Executive Decision. It’s not really worth examining.

Hard to Kill – This is an alright Seagal outing (watched for the same reason as Above the Law – as well as every other Seagal on this list), although I seem to remember it being better.  There’s not quite enough violence, and the supporting cast should be better, but it does have its pleasurable moments.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (IMAX 3-D) – I wish more of this was in 3-D, but I’ll get over it.  Especially since this sixth outing is probably one of the better outings.  The material gets slightly more adult this time around, including a little bit scarier, but it’s handled adequately so that it can be experienced by kids without losing too much of an edge (though I remember the cave being much scarier).  Much to its credit, though, it also offeres a lot of entertainment in the teenage angst that serves as the background to the wizardry and mythology, which is a pretty welcome change from previous installments, as I recall.

Marked for Death - This was my favorite Seagal vehicle until Under Siege came along and it’s easy to remember why: Cool villains, awesome violence and nudity were all too appealing to my teenage self.  It may not hold up perfectly (no Seagal film could), but it holds up better than I would have expected anyway.  It’s slick, and as far as the genre goes, it kinda redefined cool for a few minutes.

On Deadly Ground – Seagal plays Forrest Taft (seriously), who takes on Michael Caine and his cronies in the name of the environment.  This is the laughably silly of the early Seagal – with many more expected.

The Onion Movie – The fact that it has the decently funny “Steven Seagal: Cockpuncher” movie as a running gag has less to do with me viewing this than you’d think.  Being a Madisonian is the real reason, as is simply seeing it at the library.  This sketch comedy wrapped around the Madison institutional newspaper is funny enough in parts, but like any sketch comedy, it has its misses.  It actually has too many misses in my opinion, especially when you include jokes I already read in the newspaper.  It’s not necessarily worth seeking out, but I wouldn't necessarily avoid it either.

Out for Justice – Never my favorite Seagal, this one is better than I remember, although Vern’s high praise may have something to do with that.

Quantum of Solace – This is a muddled entry in the series.  Craig does well again, bringing more hard edges to the formerly suave super agent.  But the villains and the dames have little to do, mostly just waiting for something bigger and better to do in a more developed screenplay.  The screenplay is in fact the failure this time around, jumping from one action sequences to another, never giving any of them time to breathe on their own.  It’s like an action film with all the joy sucked out.

Seven in the Seventh

The Bad Seed – This one does not hold up so well.  A mother slowly comes to realize that her eight year-old daughter is a serial killer, but is torn between her love and her conscience when it comes to doing anything about it.  At the time, it was a particularly inventive story, at least one that the public had not seen before.  Of course, that makes it seem hamfisted, since the film needs to have a detailed, dull and outmoded discussion of nature vs. nurture. It also can’t make a single move that isn’t foreshadowing, and over-emotes itself to death.  However, this is all quickly forgotten by the end, when the Hayes Code rears its ugly head and the whole film becomes hogwash.  It’s passable until the final two scenes.  It’s laughable after.

Harold and Maude – A great comedic romance.  It’s a bit awkward at times, like it’s trying to hard to be about something, but it’s a lot of fun anyway. 

King Kong (1976) – Charles Grodin, Jeff bridges and a hot, young Jessica Lange star in this seventies remake of the classic story.  Unfortunately, there’s little to recommend it nowadays, especially in the wake of Peter Jackson’s much more successful version.  The film mostly suffers under its cheesiness, and its inability to reconcile the silly with the scary.  Consequently, both suffer, and the film barely makes it off the ground.

Public Enemies – The combined talents of Michael Mann, Johnny Depp and Christian Bale (not to mention a strong supporting cast including Marion Cotillard) would be hard pressed to make a bad movie.  So, it’s no wonder that Public Enemies is generally successful.  It’s evocation of the period is pretty astounding, and it’s attention to character is intense.  But there’s still something missing from the overall that I just can’t put my finger on.  It is still worth watching at least once, but I’m not sure it’s worth repeated viewings.

True Stories – David Byrne (and/of Talking Heads) created this marvelous concoction: A simple look at life in a simple Texas city.  There’s very little in the way of plot here, but the film is immensely watchable anyway thanks to wonderful characters, cool music, and a relaxed, charming attitude.  It’s a great film when you’re in a less than stellar mood.

The Vault of Horror – A follow-up to Tales From the Crypt, this horror anthology gets it’s biggest boost (in my eyes) from the pre-Doctor Who Tom Baker.  The vignettes are hit and miss, varying between obvious (the first and last) to the adequate (the middle one).  On the other hand, the fact that they censored a scene for the DVD is insulting, especially when it appears uncensored in the trailer included in the Special Features.

Wanted – Maybe I don’t like this one as much as I thought.  It’s big and bold, it’s got attitude to spare, and quite frankly, it kicks ass.  But in addition to the overarching questionable logic of the premise (I’m talking loom here, not bending bullets), there’s the fact that it is the most amoral action film I’ve seen.  I like cinematic violence as much as the next guy, but it seems that the writers revel at the idea of killing innocent bystanders. Most action pictures don’t do that, at least not without some sense of remorse or irony.  But there isn’t an ounce of remorse or irony in this whole movie.  It’s like the film is too cool to care, which is a hard thing for me to support.