The Big Miscellaneous

Back to the Bathroom

Get the Mop

Writer: JonMichael Rasmus

Parody of: At the Hop by Danny & the Juniors

Download 2-07 Get the Mop

A perfectly fine song that I did (almost) deliberately ruin by pretending to bang my elbow on the wall during recording.  That is why Finch breaks down laughing during the song.  In the end, it’s a nice little ditty that we appreciate.  As with Irish Spring, the acoustics make it clear where this was recorded.

Up Next: The easily offended may want to skip this one...

Triumph of the Shill

Irish Spring

Writer: John Sams

Parody of: Wild Thing by The Troggs

Download 3-11 Irish Spring

Although there are a few semi-funny lines in this song (“Irish Spring, I love your spelling”), there was one aspect of this song that sort of dwarfs all others.  In order to get the shower sound effect in this song, we did the recording in JM’s bathroom.  In fact, we liked the acoustics so much that we did a handful of further recordings in there, too.

Up Next: Triumph of the Spill?

Seven in the Seventh

The Bad Seed – This one does not hold up so well.  A mother slowly comes to realize that her eight year-old daughter is a serial killer, but is torn between her love and her conscience when it comes to doing anything about it.  At the time, it was a particularly inventive story, at least one that the public had not seen before.  Of course, that makes it seem hamfisted, since the film needs to have a detailed, dull and outmoded discussion of nature vs. nurture. It also can’t make a single move that isn’t foreshadowing, and over-emotes itself to death.  However, this is all quickly forgotten by the end, when the Hayes Code rears its ugly head and the whole film becomes hogwash.  It’s passable until the final two scenes.  It’s laughable after.

Harold and Maude – A great comedic romance.  It’s a bit awkward at times, like it’s trying to hard to be about something, but it’s a lot of fun anyway. 

King Kong (1976) – Charles Grodin, Jeff bridges and a hot, young Jessica Lange star in this seventies remake of the classic story.  Unfortunately, there’s little to recommend it nowadays, especially in the wake of Peter Jackson’s much more successful version.  The film mostly suffers under its cheesiness, and its inability to reconcile the silly with the scary.  Consequently, both suffer, and the film barely makes it off the ground.

Public Enemies – The combined talents of Michael Mann, Johnny Depp and Christian Bale (not to mention a strong supporting cast including Marion Cotillard) would be hard pressed to make a bad movie.  So, it’s no wonder that Public Enemies is generally successful.  It’s evocation of the period is pretty astounding, and it’s attention to character is intense.  But there’s still something missing from the overall that I just can’t put my finger on.  It is still worth watching at least once, but I’m not sure it’s worth repeated viewings.

True Stories – David Byrne (and/of Talking Heads) created this marvelous concoction: A simple look at life in a simple Texas city.  There’s very little in the way of plot here, but the film is immensely watchable anyway thanks to wonderful characters, cool music, and a relaxed, charming attitude.  It’s a great film when you’re in a less than stellar mood.

The Vault of Horror – A follow-up to Tales From the Crypt, this horror anthology gets it’s biggest boost (in my eyes) from the pre-Doctor Who Tom Baker.  The vignettes are hit and miss, varying between obvious (the first and last) to the adequate (the middle one).  On the other hand, the fact that they censored a scene for the DVD is insulting, especially when it appears uncensored in the trailer included in the Special Features.

Wanted – Maybe I don’t like this one as much as I thought.  It’s big and bold, it’s got attitude to spare, and quite frankly, it kicks ass.  But in addition to the overarching questionable logic of the premise (I’m talking loom here, not bending bullets), there’s the fact that it is the most amoral action film I’ve seen.  I like cinematic violence as much as the next guy, but it seems that the writers revel at the idea of killing innocent bystanders. Most action pictures don’t do that, at least not without some sense of remorse or irony.  But there isn’t an ounce of remorse or irony in this whole movie.  It’s like the film is too cool to care, which is a hard thing for me to support.

A Concept Album (Though I Use the Term Loosely)

Moldin’ Oldies IV: The Most Part

This was originally going to be just an album of oldies parodies, until I ended up writing only two.  So, the ending was changed to “For the Most Part” and the “For” was changed to a number to make a joke.

Busy

Writer: JonMichael Rasmus

Parody of: Dizzy by Tommy Roe

Download 1-11 Busy

JM says, “A solo recording again.  For this album I recorded the oldies station instead. Finch always said he like the "Clients need to be killed", which upon reflection is the only funny-like part of the song.”  This also struck a nerve with me when it was randomly chosen for the Stupidest Hits album. 

Up Next: XSFAT gets a new recording studio...

Safer Music

Part of the Theme From “60 Minutes”

Writer: JonMichael Rasmus

References: Sixty Minutes ticking clock opening

 

Download 4-09 Part of the Theme From _60 Minutes_

The idea was always pretty funny to both of us, but, as JM points out “I took a shortcut and did it wrong.”  In the end we have what could better be described as Fast Forwarding the Theme to ’60 Minutes.’  That actually might have worked, had I thought of ten years ago as opposed to yesterday.

Up next: XSFAT goes back in time, and still stops short

And Not One Was in the Second Half

Alien vs. Predator: Requiem – The original - by which I mean the original sequal/extension - was lousy, and though it’s not great, at least AvP:R isn’t terrible.  The writers have taken away a lot of the menace that makes the Aliens so effective, basically making them just recreational machines.  And the film definitely reeks of a quickie cash-in by an unproven cast and crew.  But the setting allows for a bit of fun anyway, with the hospital scene in particular being gross, disturbing, and inventive.

Drag Me to Hell – It’s been well over a decade, but Sam Raimi has finally returned to the style of his early days with this wicked and disturbing, but mostly just gross, ghost story.  Alison Lohman is a banker who decides to grow a pair and deny an old woman a loan extension.  But when the old woman curses her. she’s got three days to figure out how to keep an evil spirit from taking her to the titular destination.  It may not amount to too much in the end, but its good to have Raimi back anyway.

The Fall – This epic from director Tarsem is more impressive for what it represents than what it is, but its impressive nonetheless.  When a hospital invalid tells a story to a young girl for entirely selfish reasons, the story and the reality get a little mixed, and the story gets a little out of control.  As expected with Tarsem (director of “The Cell”) the film is visually ingenius, much more somber than I expected, and worth seeing at least once.

Forgotten Silver – Peter Jackson made this hour-long faux documentary for New Zealand television, and it looks convincing enough that it easy to understand why people fell for it.  It’s not overly hilarious or anything, although there are enough not-too-obvious jokes to make it entertaining beyond the “fooled-ya” mentality.

The Hire – This isn’t a movie – It’s a series of 8 short films from top-notch directors (John Frankenheimer, John Woo, and others) made for the internet and BMW.  But it does boasts a lot of driving, a lot of action sequences and a lot of Clive Owen as the Driver.  Some of the films are not very good (Tony Scott, surprise!) and some are probably better than you’d expect (Joe Carnahan), but as a group, they’re a great way to watch Owen kick some ass.

Live Free or Die Hard – Yes, the stunts would be impossible without a stunt coordination crew tagging along with McClane, but it’s hard to really complain about that when you sit down to watch the fourth installment in the franchise.  It’s definitely got the big action setpieces and the humor that made the series a hit to begin with.  So. though it’s not the best franchise entry, it fits in just fine anyway. 

Paris, je t’aime – Some of the vignettes by the myriad of directors fall terribly flat, and others soar.  But what I find most interesting is that the ones I really liked and the ones I didn’t changed a little since I last saw it.  I am therefore lead to hypothesize that the film excels at appealing to many types at many different times.  So, even if you think one segment sucks, there’ll be something else nearby to float your boat.  But I’ll have to watch it a few more times to find out, I’m sure.

May, or May Not

Die Another Day – One of my favorite Bond films, this 20^th installment spectacular has a lot of homages to past installments, interesting villains, and attractive Bond girls (including a pretty awesome Halle Berry).  It’s also got my favorite Bond car, a semi-reasonable evil plan, and a number of swell action sequences.  It’s a great Bond film, especially if you are not that much into Bond films.

 

Goldeneye – It took eight years for the Bond series to recover from some wretched outings, but with Goldeneye, they did it marvelously.  Goldeneye isn’t the greatest film in the series, but it is slick, comfortable, and Brosnan is fantastic in the role.  The biggest drawback to this entry, in fact, is that it tries too hard to get back to formula: Romantic entanglements are forced, Q’s lair is just plain silly, and the action sequences are so far over the top, they’re technically out of this world.  That said, there are a lot of action sequences, and its hard to fault the movie for being too Bond at this stage.  In fact, it’s a welcome return to form, even if it overshoots it a bit.

 

Star Trek – In what was probably my favorite Abrams film to date, J.J. takes the reins of a long since pigeon-holed property and truns it into something really interesting.  The action sequences, with all their big bold strokes, are likely to keep you entertained, but it’s the young actors that tend to run the gamut between decent acting jobs and hilarious caricatures that will make you eagerly await the next installment.

 

Tomorrow Never Dies – This fairly standard entry into the Bond series boasts a big plus in Michelle Yeoh’s ass kicking peformance, but still manages to suffer under the weight of a ludicrous, obvious, and overly complicated sinister plot.  Jonathan Price is mildly entertaining enough to almost pull it off, but it’s hard to take any of this seriously, and the rest of the film suffers for it.

 

The World is Not Enough – Denise Richards is horribly miscast as a rocket scientist in Brosnan’s third outing, but she’s kinda hot, so it’s not that terrible.  Of course, the fact that villain Renard is impervious to pain is pretty awesome, too, unfortunately, the movie makes a big mistake by also making him a totally whiney wuss.  Otherwise, the film is fairly entertaining, including one really good sequence in a caviar factory (with a giant saw wielding helicopters) and a great sunken, tilted sub.  I suppose given the two character flaws, coming out average is a pretty big accomplishment this time around.

 

Zack and Miri Make a Porno – It’s generally good for movie fans when Kevin Smith leaves the Askewniverse, and Zack and Miri is no exception.  Occasionally hilarious, and incredibly obscene (necessarily, I suppose), the film has a fairly obligatory ending, and the final third suffers under the weight of it, but it’s a jolly good time if you want to watch a mainstream comedy about porn. 

Easy Rhymer

Born to Beguile

Writer: JonMichael Rasmus

Parody of: Born to be Wild by Steppenwolf

Download 1-10 Born to Beguile     

Another JM entry in a predominantly JM album, Born to Beguile became JM’s signature song.  JM’s thoughts on this are as follows: “I enjoy this song far more than I should.  The syncopation of "My Name…is Stan…Lee Tape-Mea...sure / I'm out to confuse you".  I don't think a better parody of this song could have been made by us. “

Up Next: The easiest song we ever recorded

Hip to be Squared

The Quadratic Equation

Writer: JonMichael Rasmus

Download 4-14 The Quadratic Equation

 Another solo effort from JM (probably due to his not-unfounded fear that I would ruin his songs), this one exemplifies how much of a nerd he really was.  A jazz poetry singing of the title equation, it is still the song that pops into my head on those rare occasions where I need to remember what the Quadratic Equation is.

Up Next: JonMichael gets his anthem...

7? That's Better, I Guess.

Brick – Some good references made me want to see this some time ago, and curious as the references are in retrospect, I guess I get it.  I actually liked the film a lot, or at least I think I did.  The dialogue is so fast and natural, and loaded with slang, that I had a hard time keeping up with most of what was going on.  I suppose that’s a compliment, though. The film does feel very real, the characters are awfully neat and well-crafted, and the underlying premise and execution are hugely enjoyable.  I just wasn’t sure what was happening most of the time.

 

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – It took me quite a while to get around to watching this, despite being a Fincher fan, and it’s pretty much what I expected.  David Fincher is an excellent filmmaker, so even if the source material feels a little too Gump, it’s still easy to get behind a film like this.  The emotion is well-grounded, and rarely feels pandering.  And although some effects shots scream “effect shot” in all the wrong ways, there’s enough to like here whether you get behind the Gump effect or not.

 

Friday the 13^th (1980) – Uncut, with commentary.  Not much to say here.

 

The Living Daylights – It’s not a terrible movie exactly, but its barely a Bond movie.  Timothy Dalton takes over the reigns of the suave super agent, and runs into Russians and arms dealers who have some kind of plan to sell weapons, and smuggle opium, and kill a cellist or something.  It’s not suprising that Dalton left when he did, following two extremely subpar Bond films, which make him look like a tool thanks to lacking scripts.  It’s probably bad that the most I got out of this film is that I figured out what “living daylights” referred to, as in “scared the living daylights out of me.”  How have I never figured that out?

 

Tales from the Crypt (1972) – I last saw this 70’s horror anthology well over a decade ago, but it is a testament to it that I still remembered three of the five stories pretty well.  They don’t all work right – the first one feels obvious and belabored, and the infidelity story is pretty easy to guess at – but there’s a few diamonds in there too.  For one, Peter Cushing’s story is strangely enchanting and memorable, and the finale, Blind Alleys, is one of my favorite anthology stories ever.  It may not be great, but it’s well-made and spooky enough, if that’s what you need.

Tin Man – The SciFi channel had a modern classic and a big hit on their hands with this Wizard of Oz update, and its not hard to see why.  The movie adds to the classic story with a lot of wizardry, withcraft and a sleek style.  My main issue with it, though, was that it only seems to tangentially use the source material, instead using a lot of poetic license to tell a pretty different story.  Not that I am a stickler for following the source material, but it feels insincere to use that little of it.  It is my opinion that you either remain mostly faithful, or you hide the fact that you’ve adapted it in an “a-ha” moment. That said, it actually is fairly entertaining in its own right.

 

A View to a Kill – Roger Moore’s last outing as James Bond looks very classy.  Moore had gotten too old to play the super agent, but Christopher Walken’s villain is impressive, and the action scenes are pretty exciting. Unfortunately, the movie is not all that memorable, probably due to an idiotic script, but I liked it plenty while I was watching it.